7 tips to have a love affair with yourself

In the age of COVID, developing relationships has now even more pressure and stress attached than ever before. Whether familial, romantic or platonic, regardless of how many connections you make the one that is the most important to nurture and caretake is the relationship with self.

The struggle with loving self is a lifelong journey. A journey that some flow through effortlessly while others trip, stumble and fall flat on their faces. I was the later! There’s many factors that come into play like childhood trauma as well as attachment with caregivers. If you feel you struggle with self-esteem and understanding your value as a person, there are little things you can do daily to build a healthy and happy relationship with every part of you! 

1. Be Kind and Patient with Yourself

This is so important and many of us tend to be especially harsh with ourselves, more so than we would ever be to other people like friends and family members. If you find yourself talking negatively or internally beating yourself up, remember that you deserve love and kindness just like anyone else so speak with love and patience with and to yourself.

2. Focus on the abundance rather than the deficits

When we struggle to love ourselves, it’s easy to fall into a mindset of negative thoughts of deficits regarding who we are and our perception of the world. We each have our own set of talents and skills as well as the many things we do well but sometimes it’s very easy to get caught up in what’s lacking rather than what’s in abundance. Just start by making a conscious and intentional effort to change your thinking from the negative to the positive. Focus on what’s going right in your world rather than what’s not.

3. Accept what you perceive as flaws

This can be a tough one but so necessary to completely love yourself for who you are. We all have flaws and definitely no one is perfect but the important thing is to not fixate on them. An important thing to remember is that flaws don’t equate to weaknesses so learning to accept them is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Once you do learn to love the flaws you may find that they really aren’t all that bad and you may even begin to love the things you once hated about yourself.

4. Ask what can I improve about myself?

Speaking of flaws, we all have aspects of ourselves and our lives that we would like to change and improve upon. Just make sure the focus and emphasis is on improvement and not being fixated and irrational about a negative perception of self. Think of what you can control versus what you can’t. That’s where change comes in. 

5. Create a network of people who love and support you

Make sure to be intentional with the energy you allow into your physical, mental and emotional space. If you already struggle with negative perception of self, make sure to foster relationships that are positive and supportive. No one really wants to be around a “Debbie downer” or a “negative Nellie” so make sure the people around you can truly support you when you are struggling to support yourself!

6. Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care can be so many different things but it’s definitely different to different people. Some people are physically active while others may indulge in an occasional favorite food. Make sure to do things that have meaning and bring joy into your world.

7. Remind Yourself That You Are Enough

Last but certainly not least, remember that you are enough!! You are deserving of good things. A daily affirmation of “I am enough” or “I deserve happiness” will drive this concept home. Say it until you believe it in your spirit. It may feel weird or silly at first but you’ll come to find how much these little reminders boost your well-being and overall sense of self. Eventually, you’ll start to recognize the truths in your affirmations!

A lifetime of love

Everyone deserves love but most importantly a lifetime of love from self. The journey to self-love can be a tough one especially if you’ve had trauma as a child. You don’t deserve to go through life feeling negative about yourself—start building a healthy relationship with yourself today! I’m always open and available for a consultation if you’d like to talk about moving forward with that self-love journey. Remember, you’re in control of your mental wellness. Take care!

Life Purpose Inventory: Questions to Get You Thinking

Why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing?

Why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing?

These questions—and their related variations—are eternal. They are also essential. Life is tricky and it can get heavy. If you’re not careful, it can drag you down and keep you down. Having purpose is what empowers you. It gets you off the canvas and back in the fight.

Why Do You Need to Know Your Life Purpose?

Some people may declare that they have enough purpose in the everyday life they were given. Thus, it’s helpful to not see the phrase “your life purpose” as part of a pressurized competition. Making the effort to discover your life purpose is a powerful step towards creating a new starting point for yourself. If you are at point A and your purpose is waiting for you at point B, that trip has to start somewhere at some time.

Thinking about your life purpose leads you to an intentional point of departure. From there, your mission begins. You rise each morning with purpose. You close your eyes each night knowing you’ve done the work.

6 Questions to Get You Thinking about Your Life Purpose

1. How Important is Income to Me?

It goes without saying that we all need to make money, pay bills, and create some kind of financial safety net. But different paths lead you towards different economic likelihoods. Hence, you need to seriously assess your materialistic drive. This is not a judgment. Rather, it’s an observation that will profoundly shape your path.

2. What Drives and Energizes Me?

As mentioned above, purpose is about rising each morning with a sense of mission. Do you bolt out of bed, raring to go? Or do you drag yourself into work each day? Your mind and body answer this question for you, do your best to pay attention. Tune into yourself and get a better sense of what lights you up.

3. What is Worth Making Sacrifices For?

Except in very rare instances, there are no free lunches. Everything comes with a cost. There are many trade-offs in life. This is why you must know what purpose is worth the sacrifices you may be required to make.

4. Who Are My Role Models?

Innovation and uniqueness are irreplaceable. But this doesn’t mean we have to re-invent the proverbial wheel. Seek out those who have blazed similar paths and learn from them. Emulate them. Benefit from the journey they’ve already taken. Success leaves clues. You are wise to follow them.

5. Who Do I Want to Help?

Couple this question with “How can I help them?” There is no success that does not involve gratitude and giving back. And nothing reflects “purpose” like actively reaching out to make a difference in someone’s life. Consider this question to be foundational in your search for purpose.

6. How Much Am I Willing to Evolve, Grow, and Learn?

Finding your life purpose initially involves a willingness to grow. But there’s another factor that doesn’t get enough attention. Determining your purpose is not necessarily a linear path. The entire journey is a process. How willing are you to question your current situation, challenge your thoughts and make real changes?

Bonus Question: What if You Can’t “Discover” Your Life Purpose?

Fortunately, there’s no rule that says you can’t ask for some help in finding answers.

Your life, in many ways, is a product of those you spend time with. The people you trust and bond with help shape you and your path. Working with a counselor is a fine example of this process.

A few therapy sessions might provide fertile ground for new ideas and perspectives. Brainstorming and exploring in a safe encouraging environment is a powerful way to learn more about yourself and your potential. Contact me soon for a consultation. Together we can seek out your life purpose.

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Self-Discovery Month!!

“Who in the world am I?Ah, that's the great puzzle.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

So May has been deemed "self-discovery month" which is phenomenal but as I always say..."why do important things just get considered for a day, week or month?" Self-discovery should happen every single day!! It's what keeps us on the straight and narrow. I often work with many of my clients in completing a Personal Mission Statement (PMS) which helps in developing a life direction...whatever that direction may be!! PMS help us to assess if the choices we're making are going to help us achieve our mission of if those choices deter us. It can be something as simple as a word, a phrase or a complete paragraph. It doesn't matter!! As long as you think it through in developing your statement that's all that really matters. A great place to start is completing an inventory of self.

There's lots of good stuff out here on the web to help you get started with your self-discovery. One of the books I've read and keep on hand to utilize with my clients is Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and there's an awesome workbook to accompany the read. There's also a teenage version with workbook as well that I've utilized within a group setting with noticeable results. If you don't like to read, I have some comprehensive exercises that will get you started under the resources tab.

Writing your PMS down makes it real!! If it's just clinking around in your head you're less apt to put it into practice. Talk with those around you that you trust most to get an outside perspective of yourself. Clarify and define who you are by examining your habits, attitudes and beliefs. Don't forget to look at your behaviors as well. We can say all day that we have a specific belief but if we're doing the complete opposite it nulls that belief completely!! So don't allow your life to float around in the wind like a leaf. Take action and write your Personal Mission Statement! I can help you get started! Contact me for your complimentary 30-minute consultation. You’re in control of your mental wellness journey!

Your beliefs become your thoughts! Your thoughts become your words! Your words become your actions! Your actions become your habits! Your habits become your values! Your values become your destiny!

~~Ghandi

Empower, Educate, Evolve