The secret to successful relationships: Understanding your Attachment Style

Have you ever noticed that we seem to gravitate towards the same “type” of person each time we begin a new relationship? This is due to how our attachment was formed during our developmental years. The relationship formed with our caregiver sets the stage for our adult relationships and how they form. As we age into adulthood, our attachment style tends to mirror the relationships we had with our caregivers as we were growing up.

What exactly is attachment?

So what exactly is this thing we call attachment? As mentioned previously, attachment is formed during the early years of development between an infant/child and their caregiver relationships. Attachment is a special emotional relationship that involves an exchange of comfort, care, and pleasure between the child and the caregiver. The primary factor that contributes to the development or lack of development of secure attachment is the caregiver response to the needs of the child during the first few years of development. Caregivers who respond consistently and quickly to their children’s needs and desires typically contribute to the development of a secure attachment style. In contrast, a caregiver who is inconsistent or ignores the needs of the child will typically contribute to an insecure attachment style.

What exactly are the different attachment styles?

Secure (Healthy)

This is the attachment style we’re all striving to develop as we are rearing our children. This is the best way to create and nurture safe, loving relationships with others. A person who is securely attached can trust others and can also be trusted by others. Giving and accepting love is done with ease with minimal fear of intimacy. There is an interdependence within the relationship but neither person is totally dependent on their partner.

People with secure attachment style are able to have space away from their partner without becoming anxious or panicked. Secure attachment encourages autonomy and individualism for both parties while also having the ability to nurture and invest in the relationship. Only about half of the adult population have a secure attachment style. If you don’t fall into the secure category then you probably experience more of an insecure attachment style that usually includes some sort of anxiety around your needs being met within the relationship.

Anxious (Preoccupied)

An Anxious attachment style also described as preoccupied is based on an insecurity marked by a deep concern or fear of abandonment from your partner within the relationship. People with this attachment style tend to be very insecure about their relationship and fear rejection from their partner. There is a constant concern of abandonment which many times is interpreted by others as “needy” or “clingy” behaviors. People with this attachment often create an unrealistic scenario in their head that their partner is unloving, untrustworthy and often times unfaithful based on their own insecurities and skewed perspectives.

Avoidant (Dismissive)

An avoidant or dismissive attachment style can be found in people who often minimize or totally avoid their emotions. They are incredibly independent and pride themselves in “not needing anyone”. People with this attachment style have very underdeveloped emotional intelligence and struggle to empathize with others who are in emotional distress. Because they are unaware of their own emotions, they tend to be dismissive of the emotions of others. The underlying belief is that their needs will not be met by their partner so they remain distant, limit intimacy and often times overly criticize their partner to stay “safe” and feel protected within the relationship. Those with avoidant attachment do in fact care/love their partner but do so from a safe distance without getting emotionally involved which leaves their partner feeling empty and unloved.

Fearful-avoidant

A person with fearful attachment style often refer to themselves as an “emotional train-wreck” and usually will not allow themselves to be fully committed or invested in a relationship. Because of their fear of being misunderstood and let down, there’s an avoidance in getting completely involved but the desire is there to have a fulfilling and loving relationship. They use attention seeking behaviors as a way to seek validation from their partner which usually ends up backfiring on them within the relationship. Since there is an unwillingness to be vulnerable, people with a fearful attachment will typically ruminate and “stew” over their feelings never revealing what their true emotions are because of a foundation level belief that they are unworthy of being loved.

Why is understanding my attachment style important?

Jealousy is a completely natural human emotion that most of us feel at one point or another within our relationships. However, if you’re constantly feeling emotions like jealousy, rejection, and abandonment within your relationships, it might be time to start peeling back the layers to understand the “why”. Attachment is one of the very first concepts I discuss with clients because it provides insight into all relationships as well as the cognitive template and foundation of the perception of self. Understanding your attachment gives you a blueprint per se that you can utilize to obtain a greater understanding of how you give and perceive love within your intimate relationships. Knowing this very important information about yourself can help to eliminate years of emotional distress, anxiety and relationship problems. Attachment impacts our self-esteem and often times subconsciously dictates unhealthy and toxic adult behaviors that can lead to more serious life issues.

What’s next?

 Understanding your attachment is not about pointing fingers or blaming what you did or did not receive as a child but instead is to provide you with insight and information so you can move forward in life creating loving and fulfilling relationships. If you’re ready to begin exploring your attachment style and peeling back the layers, contact me for your complimentary 30-minute consultation so we can get started. Understanding your attachment is life changing and will have a positive impact on all of your relationships. Take care!

 wh

Source: Insecure in Love, Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD

Self-care is more than a day at the spa!

Although self-care continues to be a huge buzz word as well as a trending social media hashtag, it’s much more than selfies at the spa getting a mani and pedi with the girls. It’s so much more! Self-care is a commitment to self. It’s a pledge to make every single day to yourself. Self-care is part of a daily plan of accountability. Self-care is the ultimate act of true love! There’s nothing more important than to invest in self!

After doing some reflecting, I had to come to terms with the fact that even though I try, I’m not always intentional with my self-care. As much as I talk about it, I have to follow up with action. Considering I give to others, I have to be consistent about how I’m filling up my cup.

Here’s the Self-Care Agreement I’ve created between my present and future self:

1. Self-care is not selfish.

2. Self-care is a natural and standard part of my daily life to maintain an overall sense of health, wellness and well-being.

3. Self-care requires me to be intentional and active with a specific set of activities as well as self-awareness that requires me to hold myself accountable. I will act, track, acknowledge, reflect and act again to maintain a cycle of self-care.

4. Self-care can contribute to me being a healthier version of myself. Self-care can help with the reduction or elimination of chronic illness.

5. Self-care empowers me to be the agent of my own health and wellness utilizing all tools available to me including both Eastern and Western concepts of medicine. I am my own healer.

6. Self-care provides a direct personal benefit but also benefits my family, circle and community. I am responsible for my personal health and wellness to minimize and/or reduce the extra stress that chronic illness places within the healthcare system of society.

7. Self-care presents an opportunity not only for me but extends to all societal systems to provide a strong foundation to promote the need for resources, programs, lifestyles and ideologies that support the practice of caring for self around the world.

Now that I’ve clearly outlined what self-care is, how do I set realistic goals and subsequent actions to keep the agreement I’ve made between my today me and my future me. I use the five pillars of health to help guide me create a plan that is sustainable for me to maintain.

MOVEMENT

I’ve had a bitter war with this area of my life for a long, long time. One of the best friends of anxiety is being in a suspended state of internal chaos—a state of immobility. I have a lot of experience with this space because toxic relationships feed the beast of fear.

Things to consider when creating a plan of exercise and movement:

1. What are your ultimate goals?
   Are you trying to achieve a certain weight or challenge yourself to a minimum amount of activity per day. Make a plan and set yourself up for success.

2. Understand and know yourself!
   I discovered long ago I am not a gym rat! I dislike the monotony of working on any gym machine. So instead I opt for outdoor activities when I can. I do my best to be in nature! What brings you joy? What do you enjoy doing? What have you used in the past that has worked and been successful for you?

3. Utilize the resources you presently have.
   Don’t go into debt for a thousand-dollar machine that you’ll ultimately use as a towel rack. No need to purchase a gym membership if you don’t enjoy the gym. Do you like to use weights or body resistance? Do you enjoy solo or group activities?

4. When are you most energetic?
   Again, set yourself up for success by planning your daily movement during the time of day when you’re literally going to feel the most energized to actually get it done. Do you have energy in the morning, mid-day or in the evening?

5. Actually plan it out!
   Make a commitment to self and put it on your calendar or whatever device you use to plan your life, time and activities. Make it concrete and real. Hold yourself accountable.

 FOOD

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “A moment on your lips is a lifetime on your hips.” This has come true for me! My younger self could eat whatever the heck she wanted with no immediate issues or repercussions. Not to mention it was nothing to basically starve myself for a week to shed a few unwanted pounds. Sugar has always been my nemesis. But my midlife self is paying the price for her ignorant attitude towards food.

Understand that all areas of life are interconnected so emotional eating is very real for many including myself. My today self sees food only as a mechanism of fuel for my body. Don’t get me wrong, I still get pleasure from eating certain things (usually sweets) but I have lots more intention behind what I feed myself on a daily basis rather than stuffing my mouth when my emotions are elevated.

Here are some things to consider:

1. Pay attention to your body when you eat. Do you get bloated or sleepy after certain foods? What foods give you energy? Are you paying attention to portion size?

2. Understand what the body needs to be healthy. There’s a science behind nutrition and what the body requires to work at an optimum level. Supplement when necessary.

3. Life is about balance and so is eating!!

STRESS MANAGEMENT

First and foremost it is so important to understand that stress is a natural and healthy part of life. Stress is a built-in survival mechanism to keep us alive and the human species going. What’s not natural on the other hand is allowing stress to manifest into anxiety which is exactly what happens when we’re not effective at stress management. Many of us for an abundance of reasons did not get that training as a child and now here we are stuck in a loop of debilitating anxiety.

One of the greatest gifts we can give to self is the gift of managing stress before it gets out of control. There’s much more to this practice but here’s some highlights:

1. Live in the moment. Learn the skill of being in the right now. Stop putting the focus on what happened or what might happen. Focus on what’s happening right this moment.

2. Develop stress-relieving habits. Figure out what helps you to relax. What hobbies do you enjoy? What music speaks to your soul?.

3. Learn to assertively communicate. Being able to express yourself to others in a way that is healthy is absolutely priceless. Don’t engage in conflict unless it means growth for you. Learn that it’s okay to walk away from a conversation or a person who no longer brings you joy.

4. Let go of being perfect. We’re taught from an early age to do and be the best! Just be the best version of you.

5. Control is an illusion. We can only control one person….my individual self. There is no other control.

SLEEP

I’m learning more and more about the power of restorative sleep. I took this for granted in my younger decades using the erroneous adage of “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” to keep me going and going and going. My today self is thinking WTF were you doing? It was nothing for me to be up “kickin it” until 3 or 4 in the morning to turn around and get up a couple of hours later to get my kids to school and go to work for eight hours. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be to sit down, be still and get your rest girlfriend each and every night!

The science of sleep in connection with our overall sense of well-being has grown immensely in the last decade. Sleep is meant to sluff off the waste that is created on a biochemical level within the body and brain throughout the day. The brain rids itself of metabolic trash during sleep. Toxins are removed to eliminate build up and ultimately the development of chronic health issues later down the road. The connection between poor blood sugar management and the risk of developing Alzheimer’s is overwhelming! Guess what happens when we don’t take the trash out?

Suggestions for better sleep:

1. Sleep hygiene aka sleep etiquette is essential for a good night’s rest!

2. Create a routine to get your body in the habit of a predictable wake-sleep routine. Your mental health will thank you!

3. Include magnesium rich foods in your diet or take a supplement.

4. Manage stress and practice mindfulness.
   

COMMUNITY

If we’ve learned nothing else in the era of COVID is that our community, our peeps, our family, our circle is essential to feeling connected  within the mind-body-spirit triad. Human beings are meant to be social. Living in isolation all the time is a slow death. An integral part of self-care is to have a community of like-minded people who support and love YOU!

Some things to consider in your relationships:

Respect for self and others is key. Is there mutual respect?

1. Is there healthy communication? Do you feel safe expressing yourself? Do you feel heard and validated?

2. Are you encouraged and supported through your high and low moments?

3. Are you able to compromise so that both of you are getting your needs met?

4. Feeling safe is nonnegotiable.

5. Are you able to be autonomous and set healthy boundaries?

FINAL THOUGHTS…

Don’t get caught up in the frenzy of trends. Be intentional with your time, energy and resources to take care of yourself. I wanted to celebrate International Self-Care Day by taking time to sit with myself and commit to the process of actual self-care which is more than a spa day. I’m always available for additional conversation so take advantage of my free 30-minute consultation if you have additional questions or thoughts. Take care!

wh 

Resources:

https://isfglobal.org/international-self-care-day/

https://commonwealthherbs.com/

https://mindbodyfitness.us/2017/10/20/the-five-pillars-of-wellness/

Is swimsuit anxiety killing your hot girl summer vibe? Six tips to enjoy swimsuit season minus the anxiety!

Got swimsuit anxiety?

Summer is officially here, and someone said pool party! You’ve been invited to hangout but the thought of getting into your swimsuit and walking around in front of others puts you on pins and needles. Sound familiar?

Jamaica, 2016

Swimsuit anxiety is real for many of us. It’s a hot mess combination of social anxiety and body dysmorphia rolled up into one messy, soul-sucking mental space to hang out in. It’s like looking into those carnival mirrors. You know, the ones that make you look super out of proportion and unrecognizable?! Yeah!! For some of us that’s what we see and think everyone else sees the same thing when they look at us. So it’s just easier and safer to keep covered up and avoid those situations that might require a swimsuit. But that means you’re missing out on life!!

I remember more than one girl’s trip where I felt super conscious about getting into a bathing suit with all my skin hanging out for everyone to see. Before COVID, we traveled the first week of November every year. Because I’m a recovering Type-A personality, I always packed my bag beginning halfway through October. I always had to try on my outfits including my swimsuits to make sure I didn’t get any surprises once arriving to my destination. You know, like, they don’t fit. So, I’m looking in the mirror and any hint of that sun-kissed look that I had obtained during summer was long gone. I mean long gone! I always look pasty pale white with squishy jiggly skin because the winter snacking has kicked in. That inner critic of mine has a hell of a party as I scan and make mental note of each dimple, pimple and crater I’d see. The ugly names fly everywhere! I would NEVER talk like that to a friend of mine so why do I talk that way to myself? Welp, it took some time. It’s been a journey but I no longer do!!

6 Tips to empower yourself to be kind and compassionate through that anxiety

Honor your emotions without judgment

This is key to bringing your anxiety from 100 to 10. Just honor what you’re feeling. Don’t keep it bottled up. Talk about it out loud to yourself—yes out loud to yourself. Write down what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way. Give yourself time to sit in the emotion but not to wallow in it then let that shit go!! Don’t be an emotion hoarder. If you have a judgement about yourself, it can be traced back to when and why that judgment was created. But, that’s another conversation.

Focus on what you can Control

One of the traps of anxiety is the tendency to focus on things that you have absolutely no control over.  The fear of the unknown is debilitating. Sit down and make a list of items you can control versus those you can’t. For example, you can control wearing clothing that is flattering. You can control what you eat. You can control how active you are. You are unable to control the size of your thighs right this minute. This is an important exercise because it keeps you grounded in reality and facts versus frolicking around with emotions that want to be in charge. Those same emotions also lie to you.

Practice body gratitude

Gratitude practice has been scientifically shown to alter the way we see things. It takes us from a place of not having to a place of abundance and appreciation for what we do have. So how does body gratitude work? Remember that your body is your ally. You move through the world because you have a physical shell—your body. It’s also important to acknowledge and say thank you to your body for doing what it does. “Thank you” body for giving me feet to walk through life. My feet keep me moving and strong. I also have cute toes that allow me to wear cute toe rings! Saying these things out loud put an energy into the Universe that bounces back to you. It’s also important to honor your body by eating foods that fuel and nourish you. Check out the free download to honor and show gratitude for your body!

Stop comparing

This one is a biggie. This is a thinking error. Stop comparing yourself to others. PeriodT. Nothing positive comes from this unhealthy habit. Trust and believe I’ve had my moments of “if I could only be like” but it made me feel worse. You have to understand and realize that we all have our own separate and unique journey to bring us to where we are. No one has the same journey. You learn and grow at your own pace which means we literally look different from each other. Imagine if we all looked the same and had the same life? Same body? Same look? How boring!

Reduce social media

Sometimes you just have to go on a social media diet. Seeing how others are living and the perceptions of their “perfect life” becomes really overwhelming to see all the time. That’s where the comparing gets out of control. Social media is meant to be entertainment not a manual on how to live YOUR life. Instead, try tuning the social media out and grounding yourself. I frequently will set a timer of 15 minutes and once that alarm goes off then I exit off of social media. I’m not saying it’s easy but you can learn to tune out the world and go inwards for your validation and comforting.

Choose clothes that flatter

Knowing and dressing for your body style is an instant boost to chase the swimsuit anxiety away. There’s lots of information on the web that can be found. I’m an apple shape also known as oval or circle. Lots of fluff around the middle so I tend to wear flowy clothing that will disguise my muffin top like the one in the picture above. Once you determine your body style, use style guides to help you find clothing that you feel comfortable and confident in. Go through your closet and get rid of the clothing that you’re going to wear “someday”. The daily visual just makes us feel bad and shameful so get rid of it.

Remember…

There is no one answer or solution as you work through your swimsuit anxiety. The important thing is to get busy and not ignore it. Start the journey of working on developing body gratitude. Life is meant for living soooooo stop being mean and cruel to yourself. Start practicing self-love. Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. The most important thing is to be healthy. Suit up and join the fun of that pool party. I’m always available for a complimentary 30-minute consultation if you want to discuss this topic in more detail. Take care!

wh

Resources:

https://centerforchange.com/

7 tips to have a love affair with yourself

In the age of COVID, developing relationships has now even more pressure and stress attached than ever before. Whether familial, romantic or platonic, regardless of how many connections you make the one that is the most important to nurture and caretake is the relationship with self.

The struggle with loving self is a lifelong journey. A journey that some flow through effortlessly while others trip, stumble and fall flat on their faces. I was the later! There’s many factors that come into play like childhood trauma as well as attachment with caregivers. If you feel you struggle with self-esteem and understanding your value as a person, there are little things you can do daily to build a healthy and happy relationship with every part of you! 

1. Be Kind and Patient with Yourself

This is so important and many of us tend to be especially harsh with ourselves, more so than we would ever be to other people like friends and family members. If you find yourself talking negatively or internally beating yourself up, remember that you deserve love and kindness just like anyone else so speak with love and patience with and to yourself.

2. Focus on the abundance rather than the deficits

When we struggle to love ourselves, it’s easy to fall into a mindset of negative thoughts of deficits regarding who we are and our perception of the world. We each have our own set of talents and skills as well as the many things we do well but sometimes it’s very easy to get caught up in what’s lacking rather than what’s in abundance. Just start by making a conscious and intentional effort to change your thinking from the negative to the positive. Focus on what’s going right in your world rather than what’s not.

3. Accept what you perceive as flaws

This can be a tough one but so necessary to completely love yourself for who you are. We all have flaws and definitely no one is perfect but the important thing is to not fixate on them. An important thing to remember is that flaws don’t equate to weaknesses so learning to accept them is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Once you do learn to love the flaws you may find that they really aren’t all that bad and you may even begin to love the things you once hated about yourself.

4. Ask what can I improve about myself?

Speaking of flaws, we all have aspects of ourselves and our lives that we would like to change and improve upon. Just make sure the focus and emphasis is on improvement and not being fixated and irrational about a negative perception of self. Think of what you can control versus what you can’t. That’s where change comes in. 

5. Create a network of people who love and support you

Make sure to be intentional with the energy you allow into your physical, mental and emotional space. If you already struggle with negative perception of self, make sure to foster relationships that are positive and supportive. No one really wants to be around a “Debbie downer” or a “negative Nellie” so make sure the people around you can truly support you when you are struggling to support yourself!

6. Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care can be so many different things but it’s definitely different to different people. Some people are physically active while others may indulge in an occasional favorite food. Make sure to do things that have meaning and bring joy into your world.

7. Remind Yourself That You Are Enough

Last but certainly not least, remember that you are enough!! You are deserving of good things. A daily affirmation of “I am enough” or “I deserve happiness” will drive this concept home. Say it until you believe it in your spirit. It may feel weird or silly at first but you’ll come to find how much these little reminders boost your well-being and overall sense of self. Eventually, you’ll start to recognize the truths in your affirmations!

A lifetime of love

Everyone deserves love but most importantly a lifetime of love from self. The journey to self-love can be a tough one especially if you’ve had trauma as a child. You don’t deserve to go through life feeling negative about yourself—start building a healthy relationship with yourself today! I’m always open and available for a consultation if you’d like to talk about moving forward with that self-love journey. Remember, you’re in control of your mental wellness. Take care!

Over 50 and dating...

““Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass”

Dating ain’t the same no more

I just wanna know….when did it get so hard?? The struggle is real people. There’s no more “magically” bumping into someone at the grocery store, exchanging phone numbers and letting the fun begin. The art of dating is forever lost! First of all, with the set in of COVID we all have our groceries delivered! We have our Walmart, Target and Old Navy purchases delivered as well. Whatever is left that we need is delivered from Amazon. If we happen to be out and about, so many of us are not paying attention to who or what’s in front of us so it doesn’t really matter. We’re looking at our phones, worrying about our afternoon appointments or adjusting the mask that’s irritating our face for the 50th time!

As a woman over 50, the dating pool is even more narrow and complicated than it is for energetic and perky 20-year olds. Seasoned vets of the relationship game like myself have probably had a heartbreak or two so the whole princess being saved by the prince theme is long gone and played out. We don’t buy it. We don’t believe it. We don’t even look for it anymore.

I don’t know if I’m jaded, but I look at relationships like transactions now. Each party has an idea of what they would like to get out of the interaction. Perhaps it’s love or maybe it’s just a hot roll around in the bed. Regardless of what IT is, there are still some healthy and positive ways to find a partner that can be the peanut butter to your jelly!!

Do you know what you want?

1. First and foremost, make sure you know what you really want in a relationship. I’m not talking the aesthetics of the person but the meat and potatoes of what the relationship brings to your life. Sit down, be honest with yourself and think about what are your needs? What brings you happiness? What puts a smile on your face? What are your non-negotiables? Most of us don’t have a clue because we don’t take time to have a conversation with ourselves. Do you want adventure, safety, companionship, freedom, etc. etc.? List the top 3-5 concrete things that you need within your relationship for it to be positive and fulfilling.

2. Once you know what you are looking for, learn how to articulate it!! Again, many of us use generic descriptions to define what we want. Use the phrase “I want” or “I need” when communicating with potential dating possibilities. If you’ve taken time to do the work of self-discovery then you don’t have to waste your time on folks who aren’t gonna fit the bill for whatever reason. I’m all about expediency!

3. At one point in time, I had a long exhaustive list with bulleted items that I wanted my potential sweetheart to possess. However, it came painfully clear to me that I was being super ridiculous and unrealistic!! So, we must learn to be flexible and remove the expectation of what we think we want and allow the energy to manifest what is best for us. Now that doesn’t mean settle but that does mean be realistic in your thinking.

4. This is a big one! Be open to new experiences!! Somebody important once said if you want something new and different then you’ll have to do new and different things. Go and actually grab your own groceries in person. Try a new coffee shop. Take a daytrip to try a new restaurant. Join a dating site. Take a girls’ trip. Just be open to changing your routine to allow for new people to enter your world. That greatly improves the odds of meeting more new and interesting people.

5. Be in the moment! Don’t look at each potential as “the one” but instead look at enjoying that person at that moment. See where things go if anywhere. Just realize and understand that dating is a numbers game! If things don’t work out don’t take it personally. Remember that who and what is for you will easily make it into your life and pathway.

6. Take care of you. Make sure you are being the best and most healthy version of yourself. When we are single that is the best time to do the “work” necessary to process the old baggage from previous relationships. Don’t mix old crap with new possibilities because it just won’t work out in the end. Deal with your past, forgive yourself and others then move on to live.

At the end of the day, there are no guarantees. We’re set in our ways. We like things to be a certain way. Dating and finding love over 50 has its own unique set of challenges. Make sure to build and develop the life YOU want as a single woman. Enjoy living and do the things necessary to make your life rich and full of contentment on your terms. Don’t sit around and wait for “the one”. Go out and live your best life and remember that a life partner is just an added dimension to an already beautiful love story with yourself.

If you’d like to explore this topic some more, don’t forgot I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation! Take care!

wh

Life Purpose Inventory: Questions to Get You Thinking

Why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing?

Why am I here and what am I supposed to be doing?

These questions—and their related variations—are eternal. They are also essential. Life is tricky and it can get heavy. If you’re not careful, it can drag you down and keep you down. Having purpose is what empowers you. It gets you off the canvas and back in the fight.

Why Do You Need to Know Your Life Purpose?

Some people may declare that they have enough purpose in the everyday life they were given. Thus, it’s helpful to not see the phrase “your life purpose” as part of a pressurized competition. Making the effort to discover your life purpose is a powerful step towards creating a new starting point for yourself. If you are at point A and your purpose is waiting for you at point B, that trip has to start somewhere at some time.

Thinking about your life purpose leads you to an intentional point of departure. From there, your mission begins. You rise each morning with purpose. You close your eyes each night knowing you’ve done the work.

6 Questions to Get You Thinking about Your Life Purpose

1. How Important is Income to Me?

It goes without saying that we all need to make money, pay bills, and create some kind of financial safety net. But different paths lead you towards different economic likelihoods. Hence, you need to seriously assess your materialistic drive. This is not a judgment. Rather, it’s an observation that will profoundly shape your path.

2. What Drives and Energizes Me?

As mentioned above, purpose is about rising each morning with a sense of mission. Do you bolt out of bed, raring to go? Or do you drag yourself into work each day? Your mind and body answer this question for you, do your best to pay attention. Tune into yourself and get a better sense of what lights you up.

3. What is Worth Making Sacrifices For?

Except in very rare instances, there are no free lunches. Everything comes with a cost. There are many trade-offs in life. This is why you must know what purpose is worth the sacrifices you may be required to make.

4. Who Are My Role Models?

Innovation and uniqueness are irreplaceable. But this doesn’t mean we have to re-invent the proverbial wheel. Seek out those who have blazed similar paths and learn from them. Emulate them. Benefit from the journey they’ve already taken. Success leaves clues. You are wise to follow them.

5. Who Do I Want to Help?

Couple this question with “How can I help them?” There is no success that does not involve gratitude and giving back. And nothing reflects “purpose” like actively reaching out to make a difference in someone’s life. Consider this question to be foundational in your search for purpose.

6. How Much Am I Willing to Evolve, Grow, and Learn?

Finding your life purpose initially involves a willingness to grow. But there’s another factor that doesn’t get enough attention. Determining your purpose is not necessarily a linear path. The entire journey is a process. How willing are you to question your current situation, challenge your thoughts and make real changes?

Bonus Question: What if You Can’t “Discover” Your Life Purpose?

Fortunately, there’s no rule that says you can’t ask for some help in finding answers.

Your life, in many ways, is a product of those you spend time with. The people you trust and bond with help shape you and your path. Working with a counselor is a fine example of this process.

A few therapy sessions might provide fertile ground for new ideas and perspectives. Brainstorming and exploring in a safe encouraging environment is a powerful way to learn more about yourself and your potential. Contact me soon for a consultation. Together we can seek out your life purpose.

wh

All About CBD

All about CBD

What is CBD?

Now that "weed" day has come and gone, let's learn all about CBD! Cannabidiols or more commonly referred to as CBD is an oil derived from marijuana or industrial hemp which is considered at this time a dietary supplement. CBD lacks THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol) that is found in marijuana therefore we don't get that "high" feeling when utilized.

Your body needs CBD!

What many don't know is that the human body has a system called the Endocannibinoid system that requires CBD to properly function in a healthy and effective way. Because there is no THC influence, the medicinal effects of CBD work on a grander scale. Neurological receptors within the human brain interact with the CBD and can provide relief within many aspects of mental and physical wellness.  

CBD and mental health!

Anxiety is prevalent among at least 40 million Americans, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. In a recent CBD oil survey, more than 50% anxiety sufferers who opted for the tincture completely did away with medications to treat the disorder. Studies revealed that using CBD oil for traumatic or stressful experiences can assist with controlling emotional responses associated with anxiety such as restlessness, palpitations, muscle tension and stomach butterflies. The reduction of stress for military veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder was shown in more recent studies. CBD oil has shown to be an effective combatant of depression, affecting almost 20 million Americans today. Animal studies have shown that the oil has a regulating effect on the receptors for serotonin. In depression, the serotonin levels are reduced, so stable control thanks to CBD effects would have a positive effect on mood.

CBD and physical health!

The idea that cannabis relieves pain is ages old, however scientific data has now proven it’s promise for relief. CBD oil has a numbing effect in the brain’s pathways for pain while reducing inflammation. It’s a common antidote for those suffering from chronic pain and even cancer patients receiving chemotherapy treatments. In addition to reducing the severity of pain, the use of cannabis also improved sleeping patterns.  The power of inflammation reduction goes beyond pain relief. Asthma sufferers also hail from the effects of the plant as it’s been proved to help with the dilation of bronchial tubes, making it easier to breathe.  For cancer patients, CBD oil acts as more than just a pain reliever however. Lab results have shown that the cannabinoids from the extract blast cancer cells through apoptosis (natural cell death). It helps prevent the reproduction of cancer cells while preventing new blood cells from becoming tumors. When CBD oil is running through the body, it creates a sort of protective wall that prevents cancer cells from spreading and penetrating into healthy tissue. Is CBD the cure for cancer? I don't know, however it is safe to say that sufferers gain from several beneficial effects by utilizing CBD.As the scientific research with cannabinoids expands, evidence has shined some light on cases of patients with epilepsy relying on CBD oil for seizure relief. The compound still has a long way to go, but in a medical track where the effectiveness of current seizure medications is not very high, CBD oil holds a promising position in healthcare with a low risk of side effects.

All About CBD!

So, how do you use it? There are a variety of ways to integrate CBD oil into your mental and/or physical remedies, most commonly in oil form that can be mixed into foods and drinks. Capsules are available, as are sprays and edibles. Many people enjoy cooking with CBG while some use bath bombs for it's beneficial relief.

Most studies have shown that CBD oil is a well-tolerated remedy, with no significant side effects on vital signs or mood, unless there were signs of improvement. At worst, the feeling of being tired was reported most often, with occasional changes in appetite or weight. An adequate amount of studies have not yet weighed out the risks of CBD oil on the long-term. Introducing CBD oil into your life is definitely a great way to take charge of your mental health and in some cases, your physical health journey however it is recommended to discuss with a qualified healthcare practitioner before use.

Do your own research and see if CBD is another tool you can put in your Mental Health Toolbox. I personally use Lazarus Naturals products. If you’d like to talk more about CBD and it’s impact on your overall well-being, I’d love to chat. Contact me for your complimentary 30-minute consultation. Take care!

wh

Developing your Mental Health Toolbox

A Toolbox for overall well-being

A couple of years ago in trying to figure out which direction I was going both personally as well as professionally, I developed my personal mission statement:

“I will empower those around me with education to support and encourage their personal evolution.”

Mental Health Toolbox

I’m passionate about this concept because I had to learn the hard way that if we don’t care for ourselves, we begin to deteriorate mentally and emotionally, ultimately manifesting into long-term and chronic physical health issues. I’m talking about chronic health issues that could have easily been prevented had I just known how to manage my mental health and take care of ME! Those experiences, combined with my education and experience out in the world as a mental health provider, have given me the inspiration to take this to the the next level. One of my personal mantras is: “Don’t just talk about it, be about it!”  This is how the Mental Health Toolbox was developed. This toolbox can serve as your key to effective mental health management if embraced and applied with consistency and conviction in being the best version of YOU. I’m living proof!

Because I know these tools within the Mental Health Toolbox are effective, I wanted to take my vision to the next level and include local entrepreneurs to expand the Mental Health Toolbox awareness throughout Kansas City. This month, I have teamed up with wonderful collaborators supporting your mental health wellness while sharing the wealth of their own journeys to serve the people of Kansas City on a holistic level. For Spring, I will be giving away Holistic & Well Self-Care Toolboxes, armed with goodies meant to help bring peace and balance into your life. Please make sure you follow Holistic and Well on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn for details on how to win your Mental Health toolbox! I’d like to welcome the gracious and generous collaborators for our April giveaway. Please check them out!

Roni Townsend – Young Living Essential Oils

As a provider of a seemingly endless variety of essential oils, Roni’s business supports the Young Living Foundation, a non-profit dedicated to “empowering individuals to achieve their potential and defy limitations by providing wellness and education to underserved communities.” This amazing organization nourishes youth with resources and opportunities to break through hardships of third-world circumstances to encourage the evolution of leaders that can lead their families and countries in a positive direction. With allergy season around the corner, Roni will be providing a wonderful concoction of essential oils to help your body ward off the stuffy raw sinuses we all dread.

Shannon and Tonya – It Works

This duo will be offering products from their company, It Works! Their system is intended to tone, tighten and firm your body while enhancing confidence and a positive self-image. We may even do some in person collaboration so stay tuned!

Joan Johnson - My Touch Creations

An incredibly creative soul, Joan’s magical fingertips craft the most beautiful, handmade stationery gifts in the Kansas City area and beyond. She has been so generous to offer a gift of affirming and inspiring personal note cards to frame or to give away.

Real Things by Gaylyn

A Beautiful amethyst bracelet and pendant designed by Gaylyn will help clear your energy and assist with emotional healing. Hand-crafted in Nevada, MO, Gaylyn designs and creates each piece with love and positive healing energy.

What's inside yours??!!

Self-injury awareness

self-injury awareness

Self-injury awareness

Sixteen year old Allison** has been cutting her arms for years. She has many scars that tell a story of self-hate and loathing due to past sexual abuse. She was violated as a young girl by her sister's boyfriend. When she experiences intense emotions she feels she can't tolerate, Allison** takes any object she can find--a razor blade, thumbtack, paperclip just to name a few--and slowly drags the object across her skin. She tell me that the intense emotional pain she was feeling is now drowned out by the immediate physical pain from the tearing of her skin. She feels in control now because she has the power to stop or intensify the physical pain. Allison** is not an anomaly. In fact, she is one in two million people who are actively self-harming also known as self-injury. March is self-injury awareness month. Keep reading for more information.

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is defined as the intentional injury against oneself due to an inability to effectively manage intense emotions.  Physical injury can include the slicing, scraping and/or burning of one’s own skin, excessive pulling of hair, head-banging against a wall or hard object, breaking of bones and several other damaging acts aimed at hurting oneself. Although these behaviors are demonstrated by multiple demographics, the more common sufferers of self-injury tend to be adolescent females, victims of abuse and individuals with mood disorders and lacking skills in expression and emotional regulation. In the U.S., there are at least 2 million reported self-injury cases each year. Clinically, this type of behavior is called Non-Suicidal Self Injury (NSSI).  

Why self-harm?

The sight of blood, the stinging of pain, the sound of a skull hitting the wall is, for many, the only instant distraction from intense and often stressful emotions and situations. If the skills to process and reasonably handle a difficult situation are not instilled within an individual, the act of self-injury acts as an immediate silencer from the alarms screaming inside the brain that are associated with intense stress. In some cases, self-mutilation is an act of punishment, or even a way to snap out of emotional numbness associated with depression or other mental illnesses. Regardless of the reasoning behind coping with stressful stimulant, the relief is temporary and unfortunately, self-injury serves only to perpetuate the underlying trigger that caused it. Understanding the why helps bring understanding to self-injury awareness.

Many times, self-injury breeds and continues the cycle of negative feelings as an individual is painfully reminded of the wounds or bruising during the physical healing process. Shame, guilt and even reliving the initial stressor that led to the act only further buries them into sorrow, oftentimes creating a new trigger cycle and more suffering. Mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, trauma and other emotional challenges are at the root of the self-injury entanglement.

Myths around self-injury

Information from self-harmers reveal that there are several myths surrounding the subject. The idea that individuals do it for attention or are ‘suicidal’ are not always true. Reading into the voices of some of these sufferers helps to better understand their coping mechanism. In the end, the act of hurting oneself is a desperate attempt to express dark emotions through physical pain rather than endure the internal pain and emotional agony within. Although this may be a common coping mechanism to handle stress for individuals with mental illness, it is not physically, mentally or spiritually healthy. The practice erodes the potential of circumstances improving, but thankfully there are ways to evolve the habit and replace with more effective cathartic ways of regulating stress and intense feelings. The first step in addressing any problem is to identify and name it as such.

Getting through self-injury

Mindfulness is an effective mental health tool in confronting the afflictions of the mind. There are several alternative mental road maps to take once that trigger is identified, and thankfully, many of them are within arm’s reach! Seeking support, be it confiding in friends, family or even a therapist can also provide relief and begin to teach methods that override the urges to self harm.  Therapy can also help build other social skills such as confidence and trust, feelings of empowerment and self-control and the potential for the evolution of mental well-being. I am here to support you and welcome a 30-minute free consultation.

wh

Allison** continues to struggle with effectively managing her emotional distress but she has made great progress. She hasn't self-harmed in months which is a great achievement!! She uses less and less self-injury and has learned healthy coping skills to manage her intense emotions. We continue to see each other and I'll continue to support her emotional growth.

**Client name changed to protect her identity

Resources

1-800-DON'T-CUT – More info on self-injury

*http://www.selfinjury.com – Referrals for therapists and tips for how to stop.

*1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you're about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation.

*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

*1-800-SUICIDE – Hotline for people contemplating suicide.

*1-800-334-HELP – Self Injury Foundation's 24-hour national crisis line.

*1-800-799-SAFE – Domestic violence hotline.

*1-877-332-7333 – Real Help For Teens' help line.

The Mental Choice to be Happy

The mental choice to be happy

The Mental Choice to be Happy

The mental choice to be happy is tough at times but can be done. Most of us make the mental choice to get out of bed every morning and brush our teeth groggily; we choose milk and sugar with our coffee and choose a radio station on the way to work almost every day, without even thinking about it. So why is it so hard then, to choose to be happy, every day, all (if not most of) the time?

Happiness with a scientific flair

Variations in genetics and upbringing will affect the level of happiness within a person however, it’s important to know there’s scientific evidence that at least 40% of those happy levels are self-controlled. Yes! YOU are in charge of a big piece of that happy pie! And when you refine that mental choice to be happy with supplemental self-care practices such as exercise, proper nutrition and meditation, happiness becomes a natural state of being, rather than a far-fetched destination millions of mental miles away. A lot of what may cloud the awareness of choice are the layers of mental noise and excessive thought, distractions of a 9 to 5, and just the daily hustle and bustle of life’s to-do lists that we can never seem to catch up with. It’s easy for our souls to get swept away by the turbulent thoughts and schedules, but there is a way to take charge and evolve into a new mental pattern where making the choice to be happy is habitual to the mind, body and soul.

Talking yourself out of happiness

If you feel you are on a consistent path of a melancholy mindset or avenue of anxiety, you’ll find hope in learning that shifting away from that dark place begins with the openness to choose differently. Experimental studies show that acknowledging you have a choice goes a long way in the brain’s road-map to happiness. A simple self-talk, such as verbally or mentally telling yourself “I choose to be happy today” is the first step in making a positive difference in your mood and mental well-being! Try it now. And tomorrow. And every morning as part of your daily routine. Picking out a specific cue, like your alarm clock going off, or reaching for the toothbrush before looking at your mirror to smile and recite the magic words is extremely helpful in developing the easy habit.  Remember that habits become second nature behavior after only a few repetitions. Ingraining this self-talk habit into your routine is the first easy and manageable step in evolving your mental health.

Happiness habits

Many of you walk (or dance, crawl, run, fly) through life on the shirttails of common goals like saving money, avoiding junk food, reading 1 book per month or hitting sales quota at work.  Happiness should be at the top of your list. It’s no wonder why experts recommend the goal because if happiness is achieved, the rest of your goals are far more pleasant and attainable. Happiness chips away at the weights of life that once slowed down your personal progress. The question then becomes: how do you attain happiness once you’ve made the choice to make it your daily mindset? Once you've made the mental choice to be happy, there are several tweaks you can apply in your daily routine that will help reinforce the notion. Starting off with simple things like activating the muscles around your mouth that cause you to smile sends a signal to your brain that generates happiness. Try it this very second. That forced smile just stimulated the cingulate cortex, the section of your brain that controls the links between happiness and smiling. It’s like reverse activation, rather than an independent thought or circumstance igniting the happiness that creates the smile, by smiling first you are lighting a happy light in your brain on command. You simply have to make the choice to do it! Perhaps after a fresh tooth brushing in the morning, just after you’ve repeated your new happiness mantra. Give yourself a sparkle of your own self and start the day off right. Smile!!

Mental Health Toolbox

Now that you know how to apply two of the simplest, easiest actions that can get you closer to experiencing happiness as a second nature, you can begin integrating new habits as you evolve your mental well-being. Take your time, ease into it and be kind to yourself. Here is a helpful list to add to your life goals that will help you effectively accomplish the choice of being happy. If you are challenged by a mental illness like anxiety, depression or trauma, you can take the brave step of creating a mental health toolbox. It’s a personal arsenal of tools that not only help eradicate the negative mental patterns you live with, but also a great way to empower, educate and evolve into the best possible version of yourself. (Please remember that I am available to assist with added guidance.) Take care and make the mental choice to be happy!!

wh

Building the Mental Health Toolbox

Building the Mental Health Toolbox

As with all tasks, having the proper tools empowers one to be prepared, knowledgeable and ultimately successful. When thinking of mental health and developing one's sense of well-being there is no difference. Building a Mental Health Toolbox is essential to the positive evolution of one's mental health overall. If we all adapt this mindset, then we're all under construction. So grab your hardhat and let's get busy! 

Understand the diagnostic label

Whether it’s a therapist, a close friend or even your own research that finally attributes your troubles to a mental illness or disorder of sorts, it can be a challenge to integrate the diagnostic label as a part of your existence. Although many find relief in finally understanding why a happy life has been so hard to come by, accepting the new label may be as difficult as adjusting to a third arm or sixth toe. And that’s okay. That extension of your persona has likely been in existence for a large part of your life. A new name for a characteristic of your psyche doesn’t make you less of a human and most certainly doesn’t define you. A diagnostic label is meant to classify you by a set of observable traits to determine the treatment most suitable for you. But in no way is this meant to segregate all clients with one label as the exact same – each person is an individual with specific challenges, experiences and varying degrees of these traits. Every client living with anxiety, PTSD or depression is unique beyond the diagnostic label used in doctor and insurance offices across the country and its important that they are treated as such.

By embracing your label, you take the first step in acceptance of who you are, a key element of the self-love necessary to evolve. There is a possibility that you, or those close to you have subconsciously adopted a stereotype of certain labels, and working through the stigma can also sometimes be a part of learning how to utilize your mental health toolbox. Imagine yourself without the label and any of the characteristics that may have come of it. Would you be as strong of a person? Would your emotional intuition be as fine-tuned? Would your resilience be as elastic? Though you may feel that your label contributed to unpleasant experiences and traits, the silver lining is that you had several opportunities to develop important survival skills in the process. Now that you’ve arrived at the phase of your life to want to evolve from your mental problems, your subsequent emotional intelligence continues to stick around to catapult you through life’s never-ending challenges. Love yourself and embrace your label, because as troublesome as it’s been in the past, it has made you beautifully strong enough to take on this evolution.

Maintaining physical well-being

The body can act as a remote control for the mind with buttons for relaxation, mood boost, patience, energy and the list goes on, as both are directly linked. To maintain the well-being of your body is to ensure a balanced foundation for the mind to solve life’s challenges. Efforts into continuous well-being automatically propel the mind’s evolution, clarity and awareness, so it’s well worth the daily undertaking.

Sleep

A set bedtime with plenty of hours to sleep can begin the habitual process of physical well-being. Everyone’s needs for adequate rest vary, but 6-8 hours should be the daily minimum to ensure physical and mental health fitness. A good night’s rest goes beyond feeling refreshed in the morning, with benefits building up in your heart, weight and of course your mind. During those hours of shut-eye your brain is also working to remove mental waste, like the toxic byproducts that contribute to degenerative brain disorders. It’s also working hard to cement memories and new skills you may have learned (like learning to battle anxiety!) Refreshing rest also contributes to better emotional regulation, an essential within the Mental Health Toolbox.

Cognition, attention and decision-making is enhanced with the right amount of zzz’s, making life that much less challenging just by closing your eyes every night. Loving yourself means loving your body, and that can be as easy as cuddling up under your covers and drifting to dreamland. There is empowerment in pillows when it comes to evolution!

Healthy Nutrition

Once you’ve absorbed a solid amount of rest and the sun has begun tickling your skin with its first rays of Vitamin D, nourishment should be the next priority to feed the body, as it’s likely been more than 8 hours since your last meal! Regenerating with the right nutrition is just as important as rest, and making time for eating right impacts your energy and mood for the day. Taking a little bit of time each day to understand your body and adopting healthy eating habits adds another strengthening layer of physical well-being. A good rule of thumb is to remember that the Earth herself provides many of the nutrients you need to feel optimal, so it’s easier to differentiate from the processed, sugary, greasy weaknesses that slow your body’s flow.

Exercise and physical activity

Another essential tool in the Mental Health Toolbox is exercise. The daily challenges of stress can be immediately combated with weapons of feel-good hormones. These are generated with the physical demands of exercise, and it doesn’t take an expensive personal trainer to get the job done. If your life is too busy and working out is an intimidating schedule shift, take a step back and identify areas in your daily tasks that can easily convert into a mini cheat exercise. Something as simple as opting for the stairs at your office building, or a nice 15-minute stroll during lunch can make the difference in your brain boosting chemicals. Even squeezing in 10 squats in the bathroom stall every time you make a run to the loo can get the blood going. A 30, 15 or even 10-minute commitment to muscle movement beats hours-long mental drains that affect your mood, productivity and sense of well-being.

Life Balance

Understand that your mind and body are one, and the two constantly communicate to ensure optimal existence. The key is to learn the language of your physical self to establish ongoing well-being. Become aware and listen internally. One of the most effective tools in your toolbox is developing a healthy sense of balance in all areas of your life. The Wheel of Life is a great place to start!!

Healthy lifestyle choices

When making the conscious decision to prioritize mental health, what is your motivation? Taking a holistic approach to a mental evolution? Reducing your depression or anxiety? Feeling like life is worth living? Better relationships with your loved ones? Maintaining employment? The get-up-and-go reasoning varies, but it’s important to keep a list of your reasons in constant visibility to serve as a reminder in making healthy lifestyle choices daily. Your lifestyle choices are those that you make determining your life and behavior, with a direct association to your preferences and values. Your motivation to prioritize your mental health is a strong indicator of your values.

To make the right choices, you must take a step back and determine first the areas in which you recognize your self-love practices. Are you sleeping enough and eating well? Is your monthly gym membership going to good use and are the dog leashes constantly missing from their wall hooks? Then think to yourself, in which areas can your lifestyle decisions improve to better align with your values and motivation for improving your mental health? Here’s a quick quiz to get you thinking and reflecting on your lifestyle choices.

Once you see your results, an easy start to making better lifestyle choices is to make a list of the obvious not-so-great choices. Things like drinking excessively, eating fast food multiple times a day or going through a pack of cigarettes in 48 hours. You’ll find that integrating better habits like exercise and good rest make the removal of the bad list much easier, all while boosting your mood, health and progress toward a better lifestyle! Even more eye opening, as your bad list habits fade, so do your chances of chronic diseases like obesity, heart disease, cancer and many other conditions. That life balance that you’ve begun to work on will be an incredibly important tool within your Mental Health Toolbox.

A good way to structure your mental health maintenance is by relying on daily routines to keep these lifestyle choices in check. Aside from reinforcing good habits, they give you a sense of control that gradually makes these choices automatic. Just as your bad habits once required no effort, your new, healthy habits will become second nature! This further ensures longer bouts of mental stability refined and ready to tackle obstacles that perhaps once debilitated you.

Remember that learning to utilize the tools within your Mental Health Toolbox is a gradual process and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed but just don’t quit! Starting small is okay! Thankfully, good habits get stronger with each repetition, while the bad ones shrivel away with each neglected urge. Here are a few tricks to overcoming the challenges that sometimes come with learning new skills and retraining your brain.

Yoga

Science and personal experience can reinforce your faith in exercise, but one particular activity has begun to make a name for itself in the realm of mental health. Yoga, an ancient Indian practice integrating breathing techniques and postures has been associated with improved health and happiness. The practice promotes health throughout the body while reinforcing self-awareness, two of the most important tools in your Mental Health Toolbox for self-care.

Yoga is to the mind what cardio is to the body. From a mental health standpoint, yoga trains the brain circuits involved in stress response. Most people respond to stress with adrenaline and/or cortisol in the blood, which in turn create the rapid heartbeat, breath and other nervous system symptoms that we feel during stress. In a person who practices yoga regularly, the relaxation signal in the brain can be turned on by engaging in a pose to slow or even stop the stress response. This tool can then be used to counter stress on demand when combined with awareness, which is bolstered with the regular breathing and meditation techniques learned in yoga.

Regular yoga practice is a self-soothing ritual that promotes an ongoing relaxation and slowed thought process that inhibits anxiety and other negative feelings. Connecting the breath to the body via yoga also enhances the internal listening process with the body, so your mind is more in tune with your physical needs to stimulate consistent well-being. In addition, regular mindfulness practice is also a healthy way to release built-up emotional energy that tends to calcify and clog our efforts to mental health maintenance. By integrating yoga into your mental health routine, you ensure a regular cleansing that complements your self-care routine utilizing and important tool within your Mental Health Toolbox. Try some of these easy poses to get the blood flowing!!

Brain cardio, grounding techniques and meditation

The beautiful unraveling of life happens in this very moment. Unfortunately, it’s easy for many of us to get entangled in past stress or worries of what lies ahead. The reality of present life moments is robbed by the thief of thoughts, holding our minds prisoners to invisible imaginations. Try to picture life as a tightrope with no net. It’s obvious that one would have to journey through with a carefully balanced, inch-by-inch forward progression to survive, right? Now think, how often are your eyes off the tightrope? How often are your letting the present moment slip away? Is your reality surviving?

To stay on the tightrope mindfulness is the star tool within your Mental Health Toolbox. It is a strategy that peels your identity from your thoughts, as your thoughts can sometimes be an unreliable source in the sphere of mental illness. With mindfulness, rather than be your thoughts, you are above them as their creator and observer. Your higher self goes beyond the mental noise that can sometimes overwhelm your body and soul. An easy way to remind yourself to slow the thoughts is to take a deep, long breath, then follow the next five to ten breaths thereafter. If you do this constantly, you may start noticing how often you actually hold your breath unconsciously when intense anxiety or PTSD thoughts start clouding the mind. Observing the breath helps brings you back to the present moment. Mindfulness and a healthy state of mind go hand in hand.

There are various techniques that promote and preserve this present-moment awareness. They are the basis of yoga and several other Eastern religions and spiritual practices. Grounding is a technique that helps to bring you out of the sea of thoughts and into the present moment reality. These are especially helpful in moments of stressful emotions and feelings. There are several skills you can try and regardless of your diagnostic label, each one has a different level of effectiveness so it’s important to try several before finding your present-moment solution. The great thing about grounding techniques is that they’re so easy they’re almost effortless, yet they work wonderfully by acting as a net to fish you out of the turbulence of thoughts that sweep you from the present.

Meditation, a regular practice of yoga, can be also be practiced independently as part of your mental health routine. It is the practice of focusing your attention on a single point of reference, oftentimes the breath. Some like to focus on a mantra or intention. Ultimately, it is a way to pull your mind out of the stream of thought and observe rather than follow for a set amount of time. This sort of focused mental training helps rewire the brain patterns of entangled thoughts that pull you from the present moment. By training yourself to observe, the mind begins to silence itself from these thoughts and you become present. Once the session is over, your ability to remain focused on the present in real-life becomes easier, and you begin to experience life on the paradigm of the now, as life should be lived. Meditation is a helpful tool for mental health because it not only reduces stress by hushing the mental noise, but such effectiveness has shown it to work against the progression of illnesses like depression and anxiety. Regular meditation practice can actually change your brain’s stress response to promote you’re the effectiveness of your Mental Health Toolbox.

So....what's next?

Now that you’ve been educated and empowered with your very own set of tools, you can take charge in your mental health journey by applying your own personal strategy to evolving into the best version of you. Remember, we're all under construction and need to constantly add new tools to our arsenal. I’d love to hear from you on how you’ve adapted this basic concept and made it your own! Subscribe and like my blog to stay up-to-date on future additions to the Mental Health Toolbox.

~wh

Take back your time!

I don't know about you but I NEVER seem to have enough time. Time to do the things I need to do let alone time to do the things I want to do. Time to clean. Time to rest. Time to work. Time to love. Time to self-care. Did somebody say self-care? Learning to take back your time is self-care! So lets celebrate Take Back Your Time Awareness Week happening now!!

What steals your time away?

take back your time

I've been thinking a lot about that and here's what I've come up with:

To-do Lists

Problem: I'm a believer in lists but huge overwhelming to-do lists are a giant time sucker. I get so lost in the lines of smudged lead, vanishing ink and scraps of paper that I lose track of what I actually need to get done.

Solution: Just have one ongoing things to-do list in a notebook or in an app it doesn't matter but choose only three tasks a day that you're willing to commit to actually getting completed. If you complete those three, then by all means challenge yourself to do more but the feeling of accomplishment will feel great by crossing those three completed tasks off your daily calendar. Take back your time and check this out for some more time-saving ideas!

Anxiety

Problem: We get so lost in the alphabet list of things to get done and no time to do them in frame of mind that the anxiety kicks in!

Solution: I think I talk about this everyday but being mindful and in this present moment is a huge help when feeling overwhelmed and lost in the proverbial shuffle of life. Anxiety is another giant time sucker! Take a second to ground yourself. Next, take a mental note of what you have control over and focus on that specifically. Finally, take back your time and create a plan of action and prioritize needs and wants. Add them to your primary to-do list described above.

Got structure?

Problem:  Lack of structure is a huge time sucker. Time is a commodity that once spent it's gone forever. Many times I look up and see I've utilized and spent hours doing--well I don't really know.

Solution: Many of my friends laugh at me but I put EVERYTHING on my electronic calendar. I like to utilize Google but there's lots out there. If it's on my calendar then it's real and it exists and almost always gets done. Structure is necessary for there to be productivity. This is a good place to schedule your self-care too!! Take back your time and organize your day.

Self-talk

Problem: Looking at life through smudged lenses makes everything morph into unrecognizable shapes that we just can't see for what they truly are. In other words, be realistic!! You're not perfect! I know that's a newsflash but none of us are--so stop trying.

Solution: Stop expecting perfection. It's so simple. My mom in her younger days used to have these fantasies about all of the millions of things she could get done in a single day of 24 hours. She's bipolar and in her mania, would try and conquer the world. Of course she came close lots of times but it came with a great cost (that's another blog) but most of the time she was unsuccessful. She passed that mindset on to me and it's not only been a time sucker but also a huge manifestation of my own anxiety. Know your self-talk and combat it with reasonable expectations. Take back your time and be kind to yourself in the process.

Well that's it!! I encourage you to really begin to analyze what takes your time and how you can get that control back. Empower yourself with self-exploration. Educate yourself with information. Evolve into the best version of you. I’m always available for a 30-minute complimentary consultation to throw some of these ideas around!

Check back later for more information on time and self-care!!

wh

Self-Discovery Month!!

“Who in the world am I?Ah, that's the great puzzle.”

― Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

So May has been deemed "self-discovery month" which is phenomenal but as I always say..."why do important things just get considered for a day, week or month?" Self-discovery should happen every single day!! It's what keeps us on the straight and narrow. I often work with many of my clients in completing a Personal Mission Statement (PMS) which helps in developing a life direction...whatever that direction may be!! PMS help us to assess if the choices we're making are going to help us achieve our mission of if those choices deter us. It can be something as simple as a word, a phrase or a complete paragraph. It doesn't matter!! As long as you think it through in developing your statement that's all that really matters. A great place to start is completing an inventory of self.

There's lots of good stuff out here on the web to help you get started with your self-discovery. One of the books I've read and keep on hand to utilize with my clients is Stephen Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and there's an awesome workbook to accompany the read. There's also a teenage version with workbook as well that I've utilized within a group setting with noticeable results. If you don't like to read, I have some comprehensive exercises that will get you started under the resources tab.

Writing your PMS down makes it real!! If it's just clinking around in your head you're less apt to put it into practice. Talk with those around you that you trust most to get an outside perspective of yourself. Clarify and define who you are by examining your habits, attitudes and beliefs. Don't forget to look at your behaviors as well. We can say all day that we have a specific belief but if we're doing the complete opposite it nulls that belief completely!! So don't allow your life to float around in the wind like a leaf. Take action and write your Personal Mission Statement! I can help you get started! Contact me for your complimentary 30-minute consultation. You’re in control of your mental wellness journey!

Your beliefs become your thoughts! Your thoughts become your words! Your words become your actions! Your actions become your habits! Your habits become your values! Your values become your destiny!

~~Ghandi

Empower, Educate, Evolve