Tips to get through your midlife crisis

The 40s and 50s can bring change that can be uncomfortable and unwanted. We’ve all heard about the stories right! Buying expensive toys like cars and jewelry or getting body enhancing procedures are just some of the many stereotypical ideas about the “crazy” things people do when they are in the midst of a midlife crisis. When we hear these stories as young adults it’s so easy to shrug and laugh but how do you bypass or at least minimize the inevitable midlife crisis?

So let’s talk about what this life event looks like and how to move forward to get through the funk of things.

common symptoms and signs

As we age, it is very natural to feel tired or exhausted from the stressors of day to day life. Some days these symptoms may feel more intense than others but if you begin to notice this is the norm on a daily basis, we might need to look deeper. Here’s some questions you should ask yourself and consider:

• Do you think about or worry that you’ve made wrong choices in your life?

• Do you dread getting out of bed for the same old routine everyday?

• Do the hobbies you once loved no longer bring you joy?

• Have you made recent spontaneous and impulsive life or financial decisions?

• Are you uncertain about what the next move is in your life?

• Do you consistently feel apathetic and detached from life?

• Do you fear that life will never get better or more exciting?
  
  Do any of these resonate with you? What now? How do you move forward?

Moving forward into the next life phase

Acknowledge the positive

There is no definitive way to “fix” a midlife crisis, especially since this is part of the journey but there are things you can do to put your situation into perspective.

First, think about what is going right in your life. Do you have a family? Think about all of the things you have done to support them. Think about your spouse or partner, your friends, coworkers, and even your extended family. How have these relationships positively impacted your life? Focus on the things that have gone right.

set some New Goals

Many people experience a midlife crisis because they feel that they’ve achieved all of their goals, and there’s nothing else left. You simply have to unlearn this mindset. There are plenty of things left to achieve in your lifetime, and it’s up to you to set those goals.

You could start by taking up a new hobby or planning a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to visit. Your goals could be even smaller-scale: try to improve a skill you already have, or simply make it a goal to talk to your family members more often.

There are so many possibilities to learn new things and set new goals, so keep this in mind when your midlife crisis tries to convince you that there’s nothing left to achieve in your lifetime.

Moving Forward with Your Life

Many people expect to have life completely figured out by the time they’re middle-aged, but instead, experience a new level of fear or uncertainty. At the same time, while many grapple with a midlife crisis, a lot of people also overcome the issue.

If you’re going through a midlife crisis yourself, don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Express yourself—whether that be to a significant other, a coworker, a friend, or possibly a therapist. There is no shame in going through a midlife crisis. And you certainly don’t have to live with your fear and uncertainty forever—or go through it alone.

Remember, that each one of us is responsible for our own happiness. Seriously consider seeking out a therapist to get you through your midlife crisis. Self-discovery can help to gain clarity about yourself, but a therapist can also provide you with support and resources to get over your funk and realize all of the positives in your life. Your midlife crisis is not the end of the line for your happiness! I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation for us to discuss the goals you’d like to set to get through the hump. You’re in control of your mental health wellness.

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7 tips to have a love affair with yourself

In the age of COVID, developing relationships has now even more pressure and stress attached than ever before. Whether familial, romantic or platonic, regardless of how many connections you make the one that is the most important to nurture and caretake is the relationship with self.

The struggle with loving self is a lifelong journey. A journey that some flow through effortlessly while others trip, stumble and fall flat on their faces. I was the later! There’s many factors that come into play like childhood trauma as well as attachment with caregivers. If you feel you struggle with self-esteem and understanding your value as a person, there are little things you can do daily to build a healthy and happy relationship with every part of you! 

1. Be Kind and Patient with Yourself

This is so important and many of us tend to be especially harsh with ourselves, more so than we would ever be to other people like friends and family members. If you find yourself talking negatively or internally beating yourself up, remember that you deserve love and kindness just like anyone else so speak with love and patience with and to yourself.

2. Focus on the abundance rather than the deficits

When we struggle to love ourselves, it’s easy to fall into a mindset of negative thoughts of deficits regarding who we are and our perception of the world. We each have our own set of talents and skills as well as the many things we do well but sometimes it’s very easy to get caught up in what’s lacking rather than what’s in abundance. Just start by making a conscious and intentional effort to change your thinking from the negative to the positive. Focus on what’s going right in your world rather than what’s not.

3. Accept what you perceive as flaws

This can be a tough one but so necessary to completely love yourself for who you are. We all have flaws and definitely no one is perfect but the important thing is to not fixate on them. An important thing to remember is that flaws don’t equate to weaknesses so learning to accept them is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Once you do learn to love the flaws you may find that they really aren’t all that bad and you may even begin to love the things you once hated about yourself.

4. Ask what can I improve about myself?

Speaking of flaws, we all have aspects of ourselves and our lives that we would like to change and improve upon. Just make sure the focus and emphasis is on improvement and not being fixated and irrational about a negative perception of self. Think of what you can control versus what you can’t. That’s where change comes in. 

5. Create a network of people who love and support you

Make sure to be intentional with the energy you allow into your physical, mental and emotional space. If you already struggle with negative perception of self, make sure to foster relationships that are positive and supportive. No one really wants to be around a “Debbie downer” or a “negative Nellie” so make sure the people around you can truly support you when you are struggling to support yourself!

6. Practice Self-Care

Practicing self-care can be so many different things but it’s definitely different to different people. Some people are physically active while others may indulge in an occasional favorite food. Make sure to do things that have meaning and bring joy into your world.

7. Remind Yourself That You Are Enough

Last but certainly not least, remember that you are enough!! You are deserving of good things. A daily affirmation of “I am enough” or “I deserve happiness” will drive this concept home. Say it until you believe it in your spirit. It may feel weird or silly at first but you’ll come to find how much these little reminders boost your well-being and overall sense of self. Eventually, you’ll start to recognize the truths in your affirmations!

A lifetime of love

Everyone deserves love but most importantly a lifetime of love from self. The journey to self-love can be a tough one especially if you’ve had trauma as a child. You don’t deserve to go through life feeling negative about yourself—start building a healthy relationship with yourself today! I’m always open and available for a consultation if you’d like to talk about moving forward with that self-love journey. Remember, you’re in control of your mental wellness. Take care!

5 more tips to grow your mindfulness practice

We’re back for more ways to practice, build and use those coping skills to be mindful and present in the moment. This video has five more ways you can be mindful to reduce your stress and anxiety. Remember, that 30-minute complimentary consultation is ready and waiting for you. Take care!

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5 Tips to Jumpstart Your Mindfulness Practice

Do you think being mindful is impossible for you? Do you think it takes too much time? Maybe you struggle to sit still? These five tips will get you started in an easy and simple way! Remember, I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to discuss your plan to getting well! Take care!

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Over 50 and dating...

““Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass”

Dating ain’t the same no more

I just wanna know….when did it get so hard?? The struggle is real people. There’s no more “magically” bumping into someone at the grocery store, exchanging phone numbers and letting the fun begin. The art of dating is forever lost! First of all, with the set in of COVID we all have our groceries delivered! We have our Walmart, Target and Old Navy purchases delivered as well. Whatever is left that we need is delivered from Amazon. If we happen to be out and about, so many of us are not paying attention to who or what’s in front of us so it doesn’t really matter. We’re looking at our phones, worrying about our afternoon appointments or adjusting the mask that’s irritating our face for the 50th time!

As a woman over 50, the dating pool is even more narrow and complicated than it is for energetic and perky 20-year olds. Seasoned vets of the relationship game like myself have probably had a heartbreak or two so the whole princess being saved by the prince theme is long gone and played out. We don’t buy it. We don’t believe it. We don’t even look for it anymore.

I don’t know if I’m jaded, but I look at relationships like transactions now. Each party has an idea of what they would like to get out of the interaction. Perhaps it’s love or maybe it’s just a hot roll around in the bed. Regardless of what IT is, there are still some healthy and positive ways to find a partner that can be the peanut butter to your jelly!!

Do you know what you want?

1. First and foremost, make sure you know what you really want in a relationship. I’m not talking the aesthetics of the person but the meat and potatoes of what the relationship brings to your life. Sit down, be honest with yourself and think about what are your needs? What brings you happiness? What puts a smile on your face? What are your non-negotiables? Most of us don’t have a clue because we don’t take time to have a conversation with ourselves. Do you want adventure, safety, companionship, freedom, etc. etc.? List the top 3-5 concrete things that you need within your relationship for it to be positive and fulfilling.

2. Once you know what you are looking for, learn how to articulate it!! Again, many of us use generic descriptions to define what we want. Use the phrase “I want” or “I need” when communicating with potential dating possibilities. If you’ve taken time to do the work of self-discovery then you don’t have to waste your time on folks who aren’t gonna fit the bill for whatever reason. I’m all about expediency!

3. At one point in time, I had a long exhaustive list with bulleted items that I wanted my potential sweetheart to possess. However, it came painfully clear to me that I was being super ridiculous and unrealistic!! So, we must learn to be flexible and remove the expectation of what we think we want and allow the energy to manifest what is best for us. Now that doesn’t mean settle but that does mean be realistic in your thinking.

4. This is a big one! Be open to new experiences!! Somebody important once said if you want something new and different then you’ll have to do new and different things. Go and actually grab your own groceries in person. Try a new coffee shop. Take a daytrip to try a new restaurant. Join a dating site. Take a girls’ trip. Just be open to changing your routine to allow for new people to enter your world. That greatly improves the odds of meeting more new and interesting people.

5. Be in the moment! Don’t look at each potential as “the one” but instead look at enjoying that person at that moment. See where things go if anywhere. Just realize and understand that dating is a numbers game! If things don’t work out don’t take it personally. Remember that who and what is for you will easily make it into your life and pathway.

6. Take care of you. Make sure you are being the best and most healthy version of yourself. When we are single that is the best time to do the “work” necessary to process the old baggage from previous relationships. Don’t mix old crap with new possibilities because it just won’t work out in the end. Deal with your past, forgive yourself and others then move on to live.

At the end of the day, there are no guarantees. We’re set in our ways. We like things to be a certain way. Dating and finding love over 50 has its own unique set of challenges. Make sure to build and develop the life YOU want as a single woman. Enjoy living and do the things necessary to make your life rich and full of contentment on your terms. Don’t sit around and wait for “the one”. Go out and live your best life and remember that a life partner is just an added dimension to an already beautiful love story with yourself.

If you’d like to explore this topic some more, don’t forgot I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation! Take care!

wh

Racial Trauma and Mental Health #blacklivesmatter

“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.”
― Laurell K. Hamilton

Racial trauma is one of those wounds that many of us don’t see because the wound is inside of the mind and spirit but definitely impacts the body. Racial trauma is very real and we all need to know and understand the impacts of how system oppression and racism impacts people of color.

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End white silence!!

Do you know how to support people of color?

Either you’re part of the problem or you’re part of the solution. Which one are you? We have to take a deep dive inwards to figure out the answer to that question. I’m still on my journey to understanding my privilege and biases with the hope to continue growing and evolving. I share that information here for other white people to begin the quest or for people of color to know this is a safe space and that I’m here to support you.

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I'm a FibroWarrior and here's my tips and tricks to thrive through the pain!

I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia about four years ago. Took lots of tests to rule out more obvious conditions and was left with #fibro which is both positive and negative. I've learned how to take care of myself to keep the aches and pains under control. I have good and not so good days but for the most part I feel I'm thriving in the midst of my body totally betraying me. Here's my tips and tricks I use. Share yours in the comments as well!

Don’t forget!! I offer 30-minute complimentary consultation if you’d like to talk in more depth about your well-being. Take care!

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Why Can't I sleep? Part 1

Do you struggle with frequent insomnia, narcolepsy or sleep deprivation? You are not alone!!

Do you use a cpap machine? Do you dream? Do you remember your dreams?

One of the most frequently reported health issues is lack of sleep!! Did you know that one in three people struggles with sleep either falling asleep or staying asleep!! Did you know that insufficient sleep has been attributed to the big diagnoses that we all worry about and fear like diabetes and heart disease? Get a full understanding of how important sleep is with this first of four parts in this series.

Don’t forget!! I’m her if you’d like to schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation to talk about your well-being in more depth. Take care!

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Feeling isolated and alone with chronic illness?!

You are not alone!! I am here with you!! Yes that’s in my Michael Jackson voice but it’s so true!! It’s super easy to feel A L O N E when you’re body is in pain and I’ve been there! Here are some helpful tips that I hope you put in to practice to empower you to not feel by yourself. What do you do when you’re in chronic pain? Take a watch and share your thoughts below!

Don’t forget! I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation if you ever want to talk about what you need to thrive instead of just survive. Take care!

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Learning to thrive with chronic illness!

As I’m on my journey to health and wellness, I have to admit there are days I just feel like crap!! One of my main goals at this point in my life is to focus on thriving and not just surviving BUT in order to do that there has to be an understanding as well as a plan in developing health goals. Common Wealth Herbs talks about the four pillars of wellness and that was exactly the blueprint I needed to get on track, set goals and implement my strategy. Take a look!

Don’t forget! I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to figure out how to get you back on track as well. Take care!

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Let's be holistic and well!

Join me on my journey of herbalism, intentional wellness and self-healing as we explore what keeps us healthy and thriving! Over the past decade, I’ve developed some chronic health issues such as fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue and anxiety. I’ve gone through the ups and downs of trying to manage my wellness and think it’s important to share the information and resources I’ve obtained with you. I’m also in the process of embracing a nomadic lifestyle and will be doing some long term road trips with Blue the dog in our renovated camper van. Tune in weekly.

As always, I’m available to chat. Don’t forgot—I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation. Take care!

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Bipolar Disorder and your teenager: Seven effective ways for you to empower them

Teenagers are known for being a bit moody and unstable. After all, there’s a reason that few of us would want to go back and relive our teenage years. But teens with bipolar disorder are dealing with challenges beyond those of their peers. Most parents experience something like relief when they learn their teen has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, because it finally gives some validation to the struggles in their home. But the diagnosis is only a first step. Helping your teen manage their challenges can make life more peaceful for all of you.

How to Help Your Bipolar Teen Manage Life

1. Assemble a Good Medical Team

Your teen needs help to manage bipolar disorder. But you can’t be the one who does it all. Seek out the best medical experts you can afford. Ask for recommendations for psychiatrists, psychologists, and even dietitians. Keep the phone numbers of all your teen’s medical team in an easily-accessible place.

2. Encourage Sleep Habits

You don’t have as much control over your teenager’s sleep habits as you did when they were toddlers. But good sleep habits (what the experts call “sleep hygiene”) will help your teen to have more control over their moods and their mental health. Involve them in the decision as much as possible. Help enforce a bedtime with parental control tools that limit internet or smartphone access after a certain hour. Wake them up at the same time every morning, even on the weekends.

3. Set Some Healthy Limits

Setting limits with a bipolar teen is harder than with the average teen. You may be walking on eggshells as it is. The last thing you want to do is upset your teen and trigger an episode of extreme behavior. But you still have the right to set reasonable limits like curfews and to expect them to do chores. These responsibilities and limits will actually help your teen, even if they object.

4. Help Them Find a Support System

Having bipolar disorder is difficult for anyone. But it’s especially difficult for teens, who already face social challenges and a desire to fit in with peers. Help your teen find a support system of peers who understand the issues they face. Your teen’s psychiatrist may offer a support group or may provide a referral to one.

5. Talk to School Officials

Bipolar disorder has a major impact on daily functioning. For teens, that will show up most often at school. Your teen needs you to help advocate for them at their school. Ask to meet with a school counselor and the principal and explain the issues affecting them. Ask for specific ways the school can accommodate your child, such as allowing more time for assignments during episodes of illness. You may need to create an Individualized Education Program (IEP) with school staff, depending on the severity of your teen’s illness.

6. Encourage Artistic Expression

A lot of teens enjoy various forms of the arts. Your teen might enjoy playing music, writing poetry, or drawing anime characters in a sketchbook. It doesn’t matter what type of artistic expression they choose. Expressing feelings through art can be especially helpful for teens with bipolar disorder. Creative work can be a safe way to process overwhelming emotions.

7. Help Them Manage Medications

Most people find it difficult to have to take multiple medications each day. Teens are no exception. Medication compliance is one of the biggest challenges for people with bipolar disorder. This can be an even bigger issue for teens, who just want to fit in with their peers. Medication side effects can also be unpleasant, especially at first. Make sure that they take their medication at the same time every day to give them the best chance at stability. You may want to set reminders in their phone for the times when they need to take their meds. Having a teen with bipolar disorder can be challenging at times. But with a little bit of help, you can become their best advocate and encourage them to stay well.

Most importantly take care of yourself!! You can’t be a supportive and patient parent if you’re struggling with your own sense of well-being. Contact me and we can discuss in more detail what that looks like. Don’t forget—I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation. Take care!

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