8 Tips for Maintaining Your Summer Sleep Schedule

 Remember those days right after school started in the fall? It was still daylight outside but inevitably mama would call you into the house to get ready for school the next day. I remember the argument many times from my kids as they were growing up, “but mom the sun is still out”. And yes, absolutely it was but I also knew how important is was for them to get that rest so they would be at their best for the next day.

As adults we face that same challenge at times. During the summertime when the days are long and hot, everyone is out and about socializing, enjoying the outdoors and being in the moment, we’re not ready to end the fun and head home to end the day before 7pm. It can be so difficult to stay on a healthy wake-sleep routine when the sun doesn’t even set until after 8! People are out enjoying the park, going to happy hour and dancing the night away. Who wants to go home and get ready for bed?

The reality though is that there is a direct correlation between consistency of sleep, mood and anxiety. So once you get yourself regulated to a schedule that fits your life and inner clock, it is so important to honor that routine and healthy habit. Let’s talk about what you can do to set yourself up for success: 

MAINTAIN YOUR CURRENT WAKE-SLEEP ROUTINE

Having a predictable wake-sleep routine means you are intentional with your time so keep doing that! Be mindful of the commitments made to others to be out and about. We don’t have to be a super stickler regarding our time but being aware and intentional will help. Staying out one night late per week isn’t too much strain on the sleep schedule but what about 3-5 nights per week? That begins to run down the body and begins to compromise the sleep schedule!

SLEEP ETIQUETTE

The bed is only for sleeping!! We need the brain to associate when we get into bed that we’re looking to be intimate or fall asleep. That’s it! Limit the amount of time you work, read or even watch movies in your bed. Keep your space clutter free, cool and dark to provide the optimum sleep environment. Check out 7 Days to Better Sleep for more ideas.

ELECTRONICS CURFEW

Believe me I know how tempting it is to scroll on social media but learn to put the phone or tablet down so the brain can disconnect. One of my favorites is TikTok but I can definitely tell the difference in how easily I go to sleep if I follow my own suggestions! So turn off, silence and flip over those phones. Whatever it is can wait until tomorrow!

VITAMIN D

Continue taking your vitamin D3. So much research has found a direct correlation between vitamin D and sleep. It helps with the production of not only serotonin but also melatonin. The two are very interconnected for an overall feeling of health and wellness.

REDUCed OR DELAYED MELATONIN

Because the days are longer, our bodies aren’t signaled to begin creating melatonin until later in the evening which can sometimes get us off track. Even though we’re following the schedule and maintaining the routine, the body might not be cooperating because it was cued later in the circadian rhythm due to the prolonged daylight hours to produce melatonin. Don’t begin a melatonin supplement just yet but instead try some healthy food choices that will work with your body to keep your wake-sleep routine intact. Remember to be intentional!

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY

Sometimes we don’t realize we’re overextending ourselves until it begins to take a toll. If you begin to experience consistent mood swings, weight gain, memory loss or brain fog there’s a good chance you’ve taken a hit to your sleep schedule. There are additional signs your body and mind will display but you have to be paying attention. Now is a good time to reflect and get back on track.

AVOID CAFFEINE

The use of caffeine is one of the tools that many of us use to get some pep and wakeup throughout the day. If possible, avoid caffeine use about 6 hours prior to your planned bedtime. For most of us, that’s about 3 or 4pm. Be mindful of your consumption of coffee, tea, soda and chocolate. Go

LIMIT ALCOHOL

If you are one of those people who like your evening nightcap—think again! If alcohol is drank too close to bedtime, research has been shown to suppress REM sleep which is necessary for neuro waste to be released from the brain. Just like with caffeine, be mindful of when you are drinking in relationship to when you are trying to get to sleep. Try to keep any liquor consumption at least six hours before bedtime but skip if at all possible.

Final thoughts…

Nothing in life is absolute. It’s soooo important to see the gray. Remember, most things are possible in moderation. I have learned because of my own unhealthy lifestyle habits when I was younger that when moderation and intentional behaviors are absent from decision making that only the worst can happen. Chronic illness is like a ninja and creeps up on you in the night. Pay attention to what you are experiencing in your mind-body-spirit connection. Trust and believe if you’re not getting enough restorative rest that you will pay the price later in life.

As always, I’m available to talk more about this topic or any other. Don’t forget I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation so we can figure out a game plan to keep you healthy and well. At the end of the day, sleep is one of the foundation necessities of having and maintaining an overall sense of well-being. So—be intentional with your time and get those Zzzzzs. Take care!!

wh

Self-care is more than a day at the spa!

Although self-care continues to be a huge buzz word as well as a trending social media hashtag, it’s much more than selfies at the spa getting a mani and pedi with the girls. It’s so much more! Self-care is a commitment to self. It’s a pledge to make every single day to yourself. Self-care is part of a daily plan of accountability. Self-care is the ultimate act of true love! There’s nothing more important than to invest in self!

After doing some reflecting, I had to come to terms with the fact that even though I try, I’m not always intentional with my self-care. As much as I talk about it, I have to follow up with action. Considering I give to others, I have to be consistent about how I’m filling up my cup.

Here’s the Self-Care Agreement I’ve created between my present and future self:

1. Self-care is not selfish.

2. Self-care is a natural and standard part of my daily life to maintain an overall sense of health, wellness and well-being.

3. Self-care requires me to be intentional and active with a specific set of activities as well as self-awareness that requires me to hold myself accountable. I will act, track, acknowledge, reflect and act again to maintain a cycle of self-care.

4. Self-care can contribute to me being a healthier version of myself. Self-care can help with the reduction or elimination of chronic illness.

5. Self-care empowers me to be the agent of my own health and wellness utilizing all tools available to me including both Eastern and Western concepts of medicine. I am my own healer.

6. Self-care provides a direct personal benefit but also benefits my family, circle and community. I am responsible for my personal health and wellness to minimize and/or reduce the extra stress that chronic illness places within the healthcare system of society.

7. Self-care presents an opportunity not only for me but extends to all societal systems to provide a strong foundation to promote the need for resources, programs, lifestyles and ideologies that support the practice of caring for self around the world.

Now that I’ve clearly outlined what self-care is, how do I set realistic goals and subsequent actions to keep the agreement I’ve made between my today me and my future me. I use the five pillars of health to help guide me create a plan that is sustainable for me to maintain.

MOVEMENT

I’ve had a bitter war with this area of my life for a long, long time. One of the best friends of anxiety is being in a suspended state of internal chaos—a state of immobility. I have a lot of experience with this space because toxic relationships feed the beast of fear.

Things to consider when creating a plan of exercise and movement:

1. What are your ultimate goals?
   Are you trying to achieve a certain weight or challenge yourself to a minimum amount of activity per day. Make a plan and set yourself up for success.

2. Understand and know yourself!
   I discovered long ago I am not a gym rat! I dislike the monotony of working on any gym machine. So instead I opt for outdoor activities when I can. I do my best to be in nature! What brings you joy? What do you enjoy doing? What have you used in the past that has worked and been successful for you?

3. Utilize the resources you presently have.
   Don’t go into debt for a thousand-dollar machine that you’ll ultimately use as a towel rack. No need to purchase a gym membership if you don’t enjoy the gym. Do you like to use weights or body resistance? Do you enjoy solo or group activities?

4. When are you most energetic?
   Again, set yourself up for success by planning your daily movement during the time of day when you’re literally going to feel the most energized to actually get it done. Do you have energy in the morning, mid-day or in the evening?

5. Actually plan it out!
   Make a commitment to self and put it on your calendar or whatever device you use to plan your life, time and activities. Make it concrete and real. Hold yourself accountable.

 FOOD

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “A moment on your lips is a lifetime on your hips.” This has come true for me! My younger self could eat whatever the heck she wanted with no immediate issues or repercussions. Not to mention it was nothing to basically starve myself for a week to shed a few unwanted pounds. Sugar has always been my nemesis. But my midlife self is paying the price for her ignorant attitude towards food.

Understand that all areas of life are interconnected so emotional eating is very real for many including myself. My today self sees food only as a mechanism of fuel for my body. Don’t get me wrong, I still get pleasure from eating certain things (usually sweets) but I have lots more intention behind what I feed myself on a daily basis rather than stuffing my mouth when my emotions are elevated.

Here are some things to consider:

1. Pay attention to your body when you eat. Do you get bloated or sleepy after certain foods? What foods give you energy? Are you paying attention to portion size?

2. Understand what the body needs to be healthy. There’s a science behind nutrition and what the body requires to work at an optimum level. Supplement when necessary.

3. Life is about balance and so is eating!!

STRESS MANAGEMENT

First and foremost it is so important to understand that stress is a natural and healthy part of life. Stress is a built-in survival mechanism to keep us alive and the human species going. What’s not natural on the other hand is allowing stress to manifest into anxiety which is exactly what happens when we’re not effective at stress management. Many of us for an abundance of reasons did not get that training as a child and now here we are stuck in a loop of debilitating anxiety.

One of the greatest gifts we can give to self is the gift of managing stress before it gets out of control. There’s much more to this practice but here’s some highlights:

1. Live in the moment. Learn the skill of being in the right now. Stop putting the focus on what happened or what might happen. Focus on what’s happening right this moment.

2. Develop stress-relieving habits. Figure out what helps you to relax. What hobbies do you enjoy? What music speaks to your soul?.

3. Learn to assertively communicate. Being able to express yourself to others in a way that is healthy is absolutely priceless. Don’t engage in conflict unless it means growth for you. Learn that it’s okay to walk away from a conversation or a person who no longer brings you joy.

4. Let go of being perfect. We’re taught from an early age to do and be the best! Just be the best version of you.

5. Control is an illusion. We can only control one person….my individual self. There is no other control.

SLEEP

I’m learning more and more about the power of restorative sleep. I took this for granted in my younger decades using the erroneous adage of “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” to keep me going and going and going. My today self is thinking WTF were you doing? It was nothing for me to be up “kickin it” until 3 or 4 in the morning to turn around and get up a couple of hours later to get my kids to school and go to work for eight hours. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be to sit down, be still and get your rest girlfriend each and every night!

The science of sleep in connection with our overall sense of well-being has grown immensely in the last decade. Sleep is meant to sluff off the waste that is created on a biochemical level within the body and brain throughout the day. The brain rids itself of metabolic trash during sleep. Toxins are removed to eliminate build up and ultimately the development of chronic health issues later down the road. The connection between poor blood sugar management and the risk of developing Alzheimer’s is overwhelming! Guess what happens when we don’t take the trash out?

Suggestions for better sleep:

1. Sleep hygiene aka sleep etiquette is essential for a good night’s rest!

2. Create a routine to get your body in the habit of a predictable wake-sleep routine. Your mental health will thank you!

3. Include magnesium rich foods in your diet or take a supplement.

4. Manage stress and practice mindfulness.
   

COMMUNITY

If we’ve learned nothing else in the era of COVID is that our community, our peeps, our family, our circle is essential to feeling connected  within the mind-body-spirit triad. Human beings are meant to be social. Living in isolation all the time is a slow death. An integral part of self-care is to have a community of like-minded people who support and love YOU!

Some things to consider in your relationships:

Respect for self and others is key. Is there mutual respect?

1. Is there healthy communication? Do you feel safe expressing yourself? Do you feel heard and validated?

2. Are you encouraged and supported through your high and low moments?

3. Are you able to compromise so that both of you are getting your needs met?

4. Feeling safe is nonnegotiable.

5. Are you able to be autonomous and set healthy boundaries?

FINAL THOUGHTS…

Don’t get caught up in the frenzy of trends. Be intentional with your time, energy and resources to take care of yourself. I wanted to celebrate International Self-Care Day by taking time to sit with myself and commit to the process of actual self-care which is more than a spa day. I’m always available for additional conversation so take advantage of my free 30-minute consultation if you have additional questions or thoughts. Take care!

wh 

Resources:

https://isfglobal.org/international-self-care-day/

https://commonwealthherbs.com/

https://mindbodyfitness.us/2017/10/20/the-five-pillars-of-wellness/

Understanding the inequities of mental health services for BIPOC: The first step for White Freedom Fighters

Understanding the inequities of mental health services for BIPOC: The first step for White Freedom Fighters

So July has been deemed “Minority Mental Health Awareness Month” but in my opinion this is information that everyone needs to discuss on a daily basis. Racial disparities within the mental health community are not a new concept. Black, indigenous and people of color (BIPOC) are much less likely to receive a high quality of care and more likely to abstain from receiving services all together due to the bias, bigotry, racism and unsafe space that a predominantly white mental health treatment culture continues to support. Implicit biases and negative assumptions that have been deeply rooted within our society regarding BIPOC persons continue to perpetuate stigmas and demonize those impacted most.

As we sit in the midway point of 2021, BIPOC continue to be less likely to seek out services or have access to providers they feel safe with. When treatment is provided, many times there is a poor quality of care due to prejudice and ignorance resulting in termination of service prematurely by the BIPOC client. I have seen this in action. My first years as a mental health provider were spent providing support to parents (primarily young women of color) and kids who had become involved within the state system for whatever reason. Most of the time their case workers were entry level social workers that were young, white women who had come from a rural community with skewed beliefs and concepts regarding BIPOC clients. Needless to say, that was an environment I didn’t do well in and decided to venture out on my own to support any client who trusted me enough to take a chance and begin the hard journey of healing.

Freedom Fighters not allies for BIPOC need to understand what steps to take within themselves, their families and communities to assist with not only closing the gap but getting rid of it all together when it comes to healing within a mental health context particular for the BIPOC community. As White people, here’s some things to think about: 

BRING AWARENESS TO THE USE OF STIGMATIZING LANGUAGE
AROUND MENTAL ILLNESS

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM) currently in its fifth edition was initially created in 1952 through the APA (American Psychological Association). It covered about 60 disorders theorized from abnormal psychology and psychopathology exhibited from those who were confined to mental hospitals and institutions decades prior to the conception. Considering these disorders were developed from the observation and research of primarily white males, the DSM is rooted in bias, biological inferiority concepts and racism. How do you think that impacts the care given to BIPOC clients?

One of the huge stigmas of mental health is the diagnosis that inevitably comes with making the first step towards getting support. Now don’t get me wrong, there are times that having a diagnosis (label) can be empowering and helpful but let’s not forget that “making a diagnosis” is an incredibly subjective process. I believe people who receive a diagnosis tend to subconsciously enmesh themselves with their diagnosis and it becomes part of their identity, so I don’t provide one unless a client asks me specifically to render my professional opinion. Because I only have private pay clients, I don’t have to answer to big pharma and insurance companies so I’m able to utilize this practice, although I know there are some of my colleagues that would fiercely disagree.

We’ve all heard “jokes” regarding people of color and “craziness”. Now more than ever it’s important to speak up within your circle. Speak up and educate those around you on how harmful and untrue those beliefs are and how they perpetuate a racist culture against BIPOC who may or may not have mental health obstacles. You’ll get pushback but it’s up to you to stand your ground and be the change you wish to see. 

EDUCATE FAMILY, FRIENDS AND COLLEAGUES ABOUT THE UNIQUE CHALLENDGES OF MENTAL ILLNESS WITHIN BIPOC COMMUNITIES

I stay grounded in the philosophy to educate and empower others. No one is exempt and there’s always room to learn and grow. There are some great resources available that talk about mental health for marginalized communities as well as facts, research and places to find information. Here’s a few that I think are relevant: 

Challenging Multicultural Disparities in Mental Health (NAMI)

Racial Disparities in Mental Health Treatment

American Counseling Association

We are not OK: Mental Health Resources for BIPOC Communities

12 Books on Behavioral Health Written by Black People

Books by Black Therapists

Racism and Health: A Reading List

60 Digital Resources for Mental Health

Mental Health America BIPOC

Best Mental Health Podcasts

 This of course is not an exhaustive list. If you have other resources, I would love to hear about them in the comments or send me a direct email sharing your source!

BE AWARE OF PERSONAL ATTITUDES AND BELIEFS REGARDING BIPOC MENTAL HEALTH TO REDUCE IMPLICIT BIAS AND NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS

Do the work! Do the work! Do the work!

Be aware of your personal beliefs and attitudes. A very simple way to get some insight to self is know your biases. We all have them. Harvard created a great resource that is free to use. Go and complete one or all fourteen of the exams. Getting to really know and understand yourself is essential in this process.

Educate and understand how the construct of racism was developed, executed and is maintained within our country. This is not an complete list but it’s a great place to start.

Understanding terminology of race and ethnicity is essential to discussing and debating within your circle.  Be intentional about learning and evolving!

CONTINUE CONVERSATIONS

Once starting the very important work of personal evolution, it is equally important to begin and/or continue having difficult conversations within your circle as well as outside of it with people who cross your path. Here’s some suggestions by the American Negotiation Institute on how to get those important conversations going in a productive and assertive way:

1. What is your goal in having the conversation? Know your implicit biases. Don’t internalize or take things said personally.

2. Acknowledge and validate emotions of the other party. If you see emotions, then talk about them. Let the other person know you are seeking to understand and that you have compassion.

3. Ask open-ended questions with the desire to learn. Stay inquisitive and don’t make assumptions.

4. Utilize a problem solving framework as the mechanism for change. Collaborate with others for creative and alternative perspectives.

Shame and guilt do not provide a firm foundation for a productive conversation. These should never be used as most will take offense, clam up and get on the defensive. Instead use phrases like, “I feel”; “I have found” or “my understanding” to convey thoughts or confirm your understanding of a particular idea/topic.

FINAL THOUGHTS

I hate that we live in a society where we have to have specific awareness days/weeks/months to encourage individuals to think about hard subjects like mental health disparities within marginalized communities. But unfortunately this is where we are. I say all the time that this work is hard. If it were easy everyone would do it and all would be well and balanced in the world. However, we’re not there yet.

When I schedule a consultation with a new client, I encourage them to develop some questions they can ask regarding me, my philosophies and experiences as a clinician including my beliefs and values. I believe transparency is essential particularly when a White clinician is interviewed by a BIPOC for mental health services.  Download my guide, Ten Questions to Ask During a New Therapist Consultation, that includes questions for BIPOC individuals as well as those within the queer community to get an idea of the person/providers they are contemplating working with.

The first step is self-awareness. Take time to sit by yourself, in the quiet, reflecting on the type of person you are versus who you want to be. Educate yourself. I’m always available for that complimentary 30-minute consultation to support you. Take care!

 wh

RESOURCES:

“Racial Disparities in Mental Health Treatment”: https://online.simmons.edu/blog/racial-disparities-in-mental-health-treatment/

 “Black/African American”: https://www.nami.org/Your-Journey/Identity-and-Cultural-Dimensions/Black-African-American

 “The Role of Privileged Allies in the Struggle for Social Justice:: https://www.humanityinaction.org/knowledge_detail/jlf-16-the-role-of-privileged-allies-in-the-struggle-for-social-justice/

“Maybe it’s Time to Retire the Term White Ally”: https://marleyk.medium.com/maybe-its-time-to-retire-the-term-white-ally-438950dbe6e

 “How Important is the Psychiatric Diagnosis?” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201907/how-important-is-psychiatric-diagnosis

 “Mental Health Matters: 8 Stigmatizing Phrases to Stop Using”: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/mental-health-matters-8-stigmatizing-phrases-to-stop-using-050715

 “Challenging Multicultural Disparities in Mental Health:” https://www.nami.org/blogs/nami-blog/july-2017/challenging-multicultural-disparities-in-mental-he

Is swimsuit anxiety killing your hot girl summer vibe? Six tips to enjoy swimsuit season minus the anxiety!

Got swimsuit anxiety?

Summer is officially here, and someone said pool party! You’ve been invited to hangout but the thought of getting into your swimsuit and walking around in front of others puts you on pins and needles. Sound familiar?

Jamaica, 2016

Swimsuit anxiety is real for many of us. It’s a hot mess combination of social anxiety and body dysmorphia rolled up into one messy, soul-sucking mental space to hang out in. It’s like looking into those carnival mirrors. You know, the ones that make you look super out of proportion and unrecognizable?! Yeah!! For some of us that’s what we see and think everyone else sees the same thing when they look at us. So it’s just easier and safer to keep covered up and avoid those situations that might require a swimsuit. But that means you’re missing out on life!!

I remember more than one girl’s trip where I felt super conscious about getting into a bathing suit with all my skin hanging out for everyone to see. Before COVID, we traveled the first week of November every year. Because I’m a recovering Type-A personality, I always packed my bag beginning halfway through October. I always had to try on my outfits including my swimsuits to make sure I didn’t get any surprises once arriving to my destination. You know, like, they don’t fit. So, I’m looking in the mirror and any hint of that sun-kissed look that I had obtained during summer was long gone. I mean long gone! I always look pasty pale white with squishy jiggly skin because the winter snacking has kicked in. That inner critic of mine has a hell of a party as I scan and make mental note of each dimple, pimple and crater I’d see. The ugly names fly everywhere! I would NEVER talk like that to a friend of mine so why do I talk that way to myself? Welp, it took some time. It’s been a journey but I no longer do!!

6 Tips to empower yourself to be kind and compassionate through that anxiety

Honor your emotions without judgment

This is key to bringing your anxiety from 100 to 10. Just honor what you’re feeling. Don’t keep it bottled up. Talk about it out loud to yourself—yes out loud to yourself. Write down what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way. Give yourself time to sit in the emotion but not to wallow in it then let that shit go!! Don’t be an emotion hoarder. If you have a judgement about yourself, it can be traced back to when and why that judgment was created. But, that’s another conversation.

Focus on what you can Control

One of the traps of anxiety is the tendency to focus on things that you have absolutely no control over.  The fear of the unknown is debilitating. Sit down and make a list of items you can control versus those you can’t. For example, you can control wearing clothing that is flattering. You can control what you eat. You can control how active you are. You are unable to control the size of your thighs right this minute. This is an important exercise because it keeps you grounded in reality and facts versus frolicking around with emotions that want to be in charge. Those same emotions also lie to you.

Practice body gratitude

Gratitude practice has been scientifically shown to alter the way we see things. It takes us from a place of not having to a place of abundance and appreciation for what we do have. So how does body gratitude work? Remember that your body is your ally. You move through the world because you have a physical shell—your body. It’s also important to acknowledge and say thank you to your body for doing what it does. “Thank you” body for giving me feet to walk through life. My feet keep me moving and strong. I also have cute toes that allow me to wear cute toe rings! Saying these things out loud put an energy into the Universe that bounces back to you. It’s also important to honor your body by eating foods that fuel and nourish you. Check out the free download to honor and show gratitude for your body!

Stop comparing

This one is a biggie. This is a thinking error. Stop comparing yourself to others. PeriodT. Nothing positive comes from this unhealthy habit. Trust and believe I’ve had my moments of “if I could only be like” but it made me feel worse. You have to understand and realize that we all have our own separate and unique journey to bring us to where we are. No one has the same journey. You learn and grow at your own pace which means we literally look different from each other. Imagine if we all looked the same and had the same life? Same body? Same look? How boring!

Reduce social media

Sometimes you just have to go on a social media diet. Seeing how others are living and the perceptions of their “perfect life” becomes really overwhelming to see all the time. That’s where the comparing gets out of control. Social media is meant to be entertainment not a manual on how to live YOUR life. Instead, try tuning the social media out and grounding yourself. I frequently will set a timer of 15 minutes and once that alarm goes off then I exit off of social media. I’m not saying it’s easy but you can learn to tune out the world and go inwards for your validation and comforting.

Choose clothes that flatter

Knowing and dressing for your body style is an instant boost to chase the swimsuit anxiety away. There’s lots of information on the web that can be found. I’m an apple shape also known as oval or circle. Lots of fluff around the middle so I tend to wear flowy clothing that will disguise my muffin top like the one in the picture above. Once you determine your body style, use style guides to help you find clothing that you feel comfortable and confident in. Go through your closet and get rid of the clothing that you’re going to wear “someday”. The daily visual just makes us feel bad and shameful so get rid of it.

Remember…

There is no one answer or solution as you work through your swimsuit anxiety. The important thing is to get busy and not ignore it. Start the journey of working on developing body gratitude. Life is meant for living soooooo stop being mean and cruel to yourself. Start practicing self-love. Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. The most important thing is to be healthy. Suit up and join the fun of that pool party. I’m always available for a complimentary 30-minute consultation if you want to discuss this topic in more detail. Take care!

wh

Resources:

https://centerforchange.com/

The Benefits of Whole Person Healing

Let’s connect!

When someone reaches out to me for therapeutic services the very first thing we do is connect and talk!! Taking time to have a consultation is essential so I can learn more about the person, discover what they want to accomplish with therapy and if we’re a good fit to work together. I ask lots of questions so I can understand what is happening not just with their mental health but within their life! This consultation time allows someone to get to know me as well! In fact, I have some suggestions on questions you should ask in your therapy consultation that you can find here. This is the beginning phase of whole person healing.

Mental health support requires consideration of all aspects of who a person is and what’s happening in their life. This is extremely relevant to the process. I inquire about quality of sleep, water intake, work schedules and much much more. But why would water, sleep and schedules be important for mental health treatment. Let me tell you!!

I work within a Whole Person Framework. This means I take all aspects of a person’s life into consideration as I collaborate with the client to develop a treatment plan with specific goals that the client has established. What are these different aspects and why are they important?

Emotional Wellness
People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. There is an ability to successfully cope and manage life stressors. Emotional reactivity is minimal which reduces conflict and contributes to better quality relationships.

Physical Wellness
We’ve all heard more than once that physical activity is essential to an improved overall quality of life. Regular and consistent physical activity can have immediate and long-term health benefits. Lots of feel-good chemicals are released in the brain as well as the reduction of overall stress and anxiety.

Spiritual Wellness
At some point, we all try and figure out the meaning of life. We’re looking for “the point of it all” type of answers. Most want to be connected to a feeling of belonging as we look to a higher power of some kind. Understanding our values and beliefs acts as a compass that leads us to live what we believe through our actions in everyday life.

Intellectual Wellness
Curiosity is important to motivate each of us to try new things, develop a better understanding of self as well as within our interpersonal relationships and the world around us. Having a desire to learn helps us to be more well-rounded and contribute to the environment we live in.

Social Wellness
Human beings are social beings. We’ve come to understand that the stronger support system that a person is invested in that they experience a longer life, have a greater feeling of contentment, and enjoy better quality of life. Healthy relationships contribute to overall improved physical health.

Environmental Wellness
The place in which we live dictates the quality of life we will have. This includes within the family, community and globally. Adequate food, water and shelter is the foundation for each person to live.

Occupational Wellness
Feeling independent, valued and having a purpose are essential to an overall sense of well-being and health.

Financial Wellness
Having the resources to take care of individual personal life needs requires having an income of some sort as well as a general understanding of how to manage money affairs. Financial independence is critical for maintaining a sense of independence and autonomy.

Using this visual of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, let’s dig deeper into why whole person healing is essential. If a person is struggling to meet their physical and physiological needs they are basically in survival mode. Nothing else matters but survival so my job is to direct the dialogue and provide resources for this person to solve their issues regarding those basic needs. To add an extra layer, if someone has experienced trauma and not processed those experiences the brain might continue to interpret being in survival mode and working on anything else will be next to impossible.

When I meet with a new client and begin to peel back the different areas of their life and discover they are struggling to meet those bottom level needs, there is an aha moment for the client when I describe this as survival mode. It’s impossible to do work on anxiety, self-esteem or even trauma when the brain is in survival mode. Basic needs have to be met and I focus on getting clients somewhat stabilized prior to digging in too deep regarding issues and goals.

Benefits of Whole Person Healing include:

• Improved interpersonal relationships

• More frequent use of healthy communication

• Better work-life balance

• Self-discovery and personal growth

• Increased ability to regulate emotions and stress management

• More consistent use of self-care behaviors

• Improved physical wellness

• Increased self-awareness

The interconnection of life

As you know and experience on a daily basis, each of these realms is very interconnected to one another. Think about this. There are eight people standing on a trampoline. If everyone is being still then there’s balance and harmony but what happens when one of those people begins to jump? Now there’s imbalance and chaos. If only one person moves everyone on the trampoline feels it! That’s exactly what happens within our life as well. When one area of our life is jolted and impacted by life events there is a ripple effect to other areas within our lives. When clients begin to connect those dots we call them aha moments!

As a therapist that practices whole person healing, understanding each area of a person’s life is essential for me to provide the support, resources and dialogue that is necessary for individual growth to happen. So when I ask about your water intake, sleep quality and work schedule, now you understand why!

Growth never stops! I encourage my clients to consistently evaluate these areas of their lives because knowing what isn’t working means you’re one step closer to understanding how to find the joy we all desire within our day-to-day lives! I practice what I teach and am constantly looking at my life trampoline to see what needs some balancing.

If you’d like to talk more about this concept, I’d love to chat with you in a complimentary 30-minute consultation to figure out if my practice and philosophies are a good fit for you. Click here or email me at info@wendyhawkins.net. Wishing you great things in life. Take care!!

wh

Challenging the stigma of trauma

Anytime someone experiences trauma, getting through the aftermath can be even more difficult than the actual trauma that is experienced. We all respond to trauma differently but the stigma surrounding the experience can be equally if not more traumatic for many survivors.

Misconceptions or stigmas surrounding trauma can be devastating for many of those who have actually experienced the trauma. Because of fear or insufficient information, people tend to make assumptions to form an opinion around particular trauma or survivors. Our culture often supports and has deep-rooted stereotypes and “myths” regarding trauma as well as those who have experienced the trauma. This of course has shown to perpetuate stigmas attached to trauma.

Unfortunately, many who have at some point encountered that kind of stigmatization struggle with healing making the process even more difficult. Many are even re-traumatized as they maneuver through and encounter the stigmas associated with trauma particularly within hospital, law-enforcement or judicial settings. 

So given that we’ve just scratched the surface of stigma associated with trauma, wouldn’t you agree that this is something we all should take very seriously? Each of us has a responsibility to impart change. Here are some things we all can work towards doing: 

Stop victim blaming!

Stop blaming the person who is the victim. No exceptions. Period. Many who experience trauma subsequently struggle with their own self-esteem and self-worth. There are thoughts and beliefs that “I could have or should have done something different” which caused or failed to prevent the trauma from happening in the first place. Of course this is false!!

When a survivor is blamed for trauma, it can bring an avalanche of emotions to the surface but also bury some deep within. Feeling worthless and confused are quite common for many trauma survivors. Too much of that negative self-talk can start to control an internal dialogue with self which ultimately brings feelings of isolation and loneliness. 

Anyone who has experienced a traumatic event is at great risk to develop anxiety as well as depression. Understanding the myths and stigmas associated with trauma is the first step to supporting those who have survived trauma. 

Understanding Trauma Stigmas

For someone who has experienced trauma, there are usually “triggers” or things that present as a reminder to a previous trauma. The more we know means the more we can understand what these triggers might look like. “Popular” stigmas include:

• It was your fault.

  • You shouldn’t have worn that type of clothing!

  • You were too drunk!

  • Why were you even there?

• You’re exaggerating your story.

  • It couldn’t have been that bad!

  • Are you sure you’re remembering it correctly?

  • You’re just being extra!

• You must have deserved it.

  • Things like that don’t happen to “good” people.

  • You put yourself in that position or situation.

  • You were being too flirty.

• You should learn how to move on and get over it.

  • Go on with life.

  • It’s over already.

  • Just put it behind you.

• The trauma wasn’t “that bad” and you should be grateful it wasn’t worse.

  • You just need to pray about it.

  • Was it really that bad?

  • This happened to me and I got over so can you.

People mean well when they say these things but it perpetuates the stigmas associated with trauma not to mention minimizes what the survivor has experienced. It’s important to remember that we’re all different so that means different experiences are going to impact each of us differently. Don’t assume. Don’t believe stereotypes. Don’t be silent.

Education begins the process to understanding! 

As a trauma survivor, you have more strength and courage than you’ll ever know!! Fighting against these stigmas may be a challenge especially if you’re already feeling so bad about yourself and what you’ve experienced. One of the best ways to begin the healing process is to educate yourself and others about trauma in general and the stigmas that have latched on. The more people know and understand how trauma impacts someone the more the myths begin to be questioned and rejected.

I truly believe knowledge really is power! Being a survivor of trauma puts you in a unique place meaning you have the ability to take the negative and horrific experience and turn it around to educate others and stop the overwhelming cycle of misconceptions and stigmas around trauma. You empower yourself as well as others! Which is always a key ingredient to the healing process.

Share with others how your trauma has impacted you. Tell them what symptoms you experience and talk about the things that trigger you. The more and more that you share the easier it becomes. Talking about it gives your power, exposes the truth and can be a real shot of confidence to boost your overall perception of self and your healing spirit. Check out some additional resources here.

If you’re ready to begin the healing journey from your trauma, I would be honored to talk with you. I always offer a 30-minute consultation to see if we’re a good fit. Be kind to yourself and take care!

wh

You are not alone…

Why Can't I sleep? Part 1

Do you struggle with frequent insomnia, narcolepsy or sleep deprivation? You are not alone!!

Do you use a cpap machine? Do you dream? Do you remember your dreams?

One of the most frequently reported health issues is lack of sleep!! Did you know that one in three people struggles with sleep either falling asleep or staying asleep!! Did you know that insufficient sleep has been attributed to the big diagnoses that we all worry about and fear like diabetes and heart disease? Get a full understanding of how important sleep is with this first of four parts in this series.

Don’t forget!! I’m her if you’d like to schedule a complimentary 30-minute consultation to talk about your well-being in more depth. Take care!

wh

Feeling isolated and alone with chronic illness?!

You are not alone!! I am here with you!! Yes that’s in my Michael Jackson voice but it’s so true!! It’s super easy to feel A L O N E when you’re body is in pain and I’ve been there! Here are some helpful tips that I hope you put in to practice to empower you to not feel by yourself. What do you do when you’re in chronic pain? Take a watch and share your thoughts below!

Don’t forget! I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation if you ever want to talk about what you need to thrive instead of just survive. Take care!

wh

Learning to thrive with chronic illness!

As I’m on my journey to health and wellness, I have to admit there are days I just feel like crap!! One of my main goals at this point in my life is to focus on thriving and not just surviving BUT in order to do that there has to be an understanding as well as a plan in developing health goals. Common Wealth Herbs talks about the four pillars of wellness and that was exactly the blueprint I needed to get on track, set goals and implement my strategy. Take a look!

Don’t forget! I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to figure out how to get you back on track as well. Take care!

wh

Finding Balance

I’m three years post graduation and two and half years into my career as a full fledged licensed social worker. Man it’s been a journey from the start of grad school to the point where I am now. I continue to grow as a professional as a woman but most importantly my growth as a human being continues full force. I love what I do. I love empowering and educating other people so they can evolve into the best version of themselves.

I love watching on the sidelines with my invisible pom-poms cheering and screaming as someone has an epiphany that positively alters the course of their life and I literally see the personal evolution in action. It’s exhilarating. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Although I’m enjoying this journey, somewhere along the way I lost my balance. You know that pie chart where ideally each slice is basically the same size? Well my career slice has become much larger than my personal slice and that’s a problem!!

I’m not only a social worker but I have other hats to wear that are colorful and adventurous that have somehow been tossed aside like yesterday’s leftovers. I’m a poet. I’m a hot biker chick. I’m an artist. I’m a student.I’m a sister-friend. I’m a traveler. I’m a free spirit that is trapped. I’m in a conundrum of scheduling, paperwork and appointments that has taken over my pie of life like blue mold on cheese. Self-care is essential in the serving industries and I’ve been slacking!! So in an effort to regain my balance, I’ve started this blog to have a place to vent. A place to share my wins and my losses. A place to scream when I’m angry and a place to cry when I’m happy. A place where hopefully other social workers will find solace and companionship when they too are looking for their balance.  I hope you’ll join me in your own journey of finding personal balance!!

wh