Growing your emotional intelligence

What is emotional intelligence?

Emotional intelligence also referred to as EI is our way of receiving, perceiving, controlling and evaluating our emotions within different contexts of our life. EI is a skill that is learned and developed over time, however, there are many people that don’t have a clue about emotions and believe they are unable to successfully control them. If you’re uncertain about your level of emotional intelligence, go and take this free assessment to get an idea of your skill level.

 Most of us know how to express our emotions but managing them is another story! I think it’s safe to say having emotions isn’t the issue but instead knowing what to do with an emotion is where most people struggle. Human beings experience different emotions for different reasons and those emotions aren’t good or bad. Emotions are a survival mechanism built into our cognitive abilities that help to promote a greater chance of survival within our environment. Think about emotions like fear and anger. Those are emotions that prompt change or quick action where sadness or disgust promote reflection and understanding. All emotions promote adaptation within our current setting.

The goal of emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is something we use for our entire lifespan so the ultimate goal is to create a better quality of life and more connected relationships to foster a sense of belonging. How do we use EI and what’s the impact for us?

Minimizes emotional reaction
Emotions are powerful! When we are in an emotionally charged space, it is important to have the ability to take a step back to analyze the situation to reduce conflict, optimize communication with others and to consider all factors before responding.

Increases self-awareness
Emotional intelligence empowers us to have the ability to think about what our emotions mean as well as considering all factors in moments of elevated emotion. Self-awareness is what provides insight to what and why we do certain things.

Nurtures empathy for others
Thinking about how others feel in different situations is essential to a developed emotional intelligence. Many times, we have to think about if this were me, how would I feel and what would I need from others. The ability to empathize drastically reduces judgement of others.

How do we use Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is used in a multitude of moments throughout our lifetime. Here are some ways in which emotional intelligence is practiced as well as how it impacts:

• Increasing our ability to accept criticism and responsibility for our actions

• Using mistakes as lessons and then being able to move on or “let go” rather than staying stuck

• Setting boundaries and saying no when necessary which teaches others how to treat you

• Developing connection within our relationships by sharing our feelings with others

• Actively solving problems in ways that work for everyone

• Experiencing empathy and compassion for other people

• Expanding communication skills particularly active listening

• Gaining understanding as to why you do the things you do helps with self-image

• Reducing personal bias and less judgmental of others

What’s next?

Understanding emotions is the key to better relationships, improved well-being, and stronger communication skills. The great news is there’s always space for learning! Since human beings began walking the earth, emotions have been essential for survival. When faced with stress, however, an underdeveloped emotional intelligence can wreak havoc in professional and personal situations. Emotions are amazing but when we’re out of our comfort zone, many of us struggle to effectively manage emotions ultimately losing control and becoming overwhelmed.

Learning to manage stress and feeling competent with your emotions takes time and patience. I’m here to support you through your journey. We all want to make choices that allow us to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage our emotions in healthy ways, create belonging, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances. I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to talk a little bit about what’s going on in your world and what action you’d like to take for it to be even better. I look forward to hearing from you. Take care!

wh

8 Tips for Maintaining Your Summer Sleep Schedule

 Remember those days right after school started in the fall? It was still daylight outside but inevitably mama would call you into the house to get ready for school the next day. I remember the argument many times from my kids as they were growing up, “but mom the sun is still out”. And yes, absolutely it was but I also knew how important is was for them to get that rest so they would be at their best for the next day.

As adults we face that same challenge at times. During the summertime when the days are long and hot, everyone is out and about socializing, enjoying the outdoors and being in the moment, we’re not ready to end the fun and head home to end the day before 7pm. It can be so difficult to stay on a healthy wake-sleep routine when the sun doesn’t even set until after 8! People are out enjoying the park, going to happy hour and dancing the night away. Who wants to go home and get ready for bed?

The reality though is that there is a direct correlation between consistency of sleep, mood and anxiety. So once you get yourself regulated to a schedule that fits your life and inner clock, it is so important to honor that routine and healthy habit. Let’s talk about what you can do to set yourself up for success: 

MAINTAIN YOUR CURRENT WAKE-SLEEP ROUTINE

Having a predictable wake-sleep routine means you are intentional with your time so keep doing that! Be mindful of the commitments made to others to be out and about. We don’t have to be a super stickler regarding our time but being aware and intentional will help. Staying out one night late per week isn’t too much strain on the sleep schedule but what about 3-5 nights per week? That begins to run down the body and begins to compromise the sleep schedule!

SLEEP ETIQUETTE

The bed is only for sleeping!! We need the brain to associate when we get into bed that we’re looking to be intimate or fall asleep. That’s it! Limit the amount of time you work, read or even watch movies in your bed. Keep your space clutter free, cool and dark to provide the optimum sleep environment. Check out 7 Days to Better Sleep for more ideas.

ELECTRONICS CURFEW

Believe me I know how tempting it is to scroll on social media but learn to put the phone or tablet down so the brain can disconnect. One of my favorites is TikTok but I can definitely tell the difference in how easily I go to sleep if I follow my own suggestions! So turn off, silence and flip over those phones. Whatever it is can wait until tomorrow!

VITAMIN D

Continue taking your vitamin D3. So much research has found a direct correlation between vitamin D and sleep. It helps with the production of not only serotonin but also melatonin. The two are very interconnected for an overall feeling of health and wellness.

REDUCed OR DELAYED MELATONIN

Because the days are longer, our bodies aren’t signaled to begin creating melatonin until later in the evening which can sometimes get us off track. Even though we’re following the schedule and maintaining the routine, the body might not be cooperating because it was cued later in the circadian rhythm due to the prolonged daylight hours to produce melatonin. Don’t begin a melatonin supplement just yet but instead try some healthy food choices that will work with your body to keep your wake-sleep routine intact. Remember to be intentional!

PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR BODY

Sometimes we don’t realize we’re overextending ourselves until it begins to take a toll. If you begin to experience consistent mood swings, weight gain, memory loss or brain fog there’s a good chance you’ve taken a hit to your sleep schedule. There are additional signs your body and mind will display but you have to be paying attention. Now is a good time to reflect and get back on track.

AVOID CAFFEINE

The use of caffeine is one of the tools that many of us use to get some pep and wakeup throughout the day. If possible, avoid caffeine use about 6 hours prior to your planned bedtime. For most of us, that’s about 3 or 4pm. Be mindful of your consumption of coffee, tea, soda and chocolate. Go

LIMIT ALCOHOL

If you are one of those people who like your evening nightcap—think again! If alcohol is drank too close to bedtime, research has been shown to suppress REM sleep which is necessary for neuro waste to be released from the brain. Just like with caffeine, be mindful of when you are drinking in relationship to when you are trying to get to sleep. Try to keep any liquor consumption at least six hours before bedtime but skip if at all possible.

Final thoughts…

Nothing in life is absolute. It’s soooo important to see the gray. Remember, most things are possible in moderation. I have learned because of my own unhealthy lifestyle habits when I was younger that when moderation and intentional behaviors are absent from decision making that only the worst can happen. Chronic illness is like a ninja and creeps up on you in the night. Pay attention to what you are experiencing in your mind-body-spirit connection. Trust and believe if you’re not getting enough restorative rest that you will pay the price later in life.

As always, I’m available to talk more about this topic or any other. Don’t forget I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation so we can figure out a game plan to keep you healthy and well. At the end of the day, sleep is one of the foundation necessities of having and maintaining an overall sense of well-being. So—be intentional with your time and get those Zzzzzs. Take care!!

wh

Self-care is more than a day at the spa!

Although self-care continues to be a huge buzz word as well as a trending social media hashtag, it’s much more than selfies at the spa getting a mani and pedi with the girls. It’s so much more! Self-care is a commitment to self. It’s a pledge to make every single day to yourself. Self-care is part of a daily plan of accountability. Self-care is the ultimate act of true love! There’s nothing more important than to invest in self!

After doing some reflecting, I had to come to terms with the fact that even though I try, I’m not always intentional with my self-care. As much as I talk about it, I have to follow up with action. Considering I give to others, I have to be consistent about how I’m filling up my cup.

Here’s the Self-Care Agreement I’ve created between my present and future self:

1. Self-care is not selfish.

2. Self-care is a natural and standard part of my daily life to maintain an overall sense of health, wellness and well-being.

3. Self-care requires me to be intentional and active with a specific set of activities as well as self-awareness that requires me to hold myself accountable. I will act, track, acknowledge, reflect and act again to maintain a cycle of self-care.

4. Self-care can contribute to me being a healthier version of myself. Self-care can help with the reduction or elimination of chronic illness.

5. Self-care empowers me to be the agent of my own health and wellness utilizing all tools available to me including both Eastern and Western concepts of medicine. I am my own healer.

6. Self-care provides a direct personal benefit but also benefits my family, circle and community. I am responsible for my personal health and wellness to minimize and/or reduce the extra stress that chronic illness places within the healthcare system of society.

7. Self-care presents an opportunity not only for me but extends to all societal systems to provide a strong foundation to promote the need for resources, programs, lifestyles and ideologies that support the practice of caring for self around the world.

Now that I’ve clearly outlined what self-care is, how do I set realistic goals and subsequent actions to keep the agreement I’ve made between my today me and my future me. I use the five pillars of health to help guide me create a plan that is sustainable for me to maintain.

MOVEMENT

I’ve had a bitter war with this area of my life for a long, long time. One of the best friends of anxiety is being in a suspended state of internal chaos—a state of immobility. I have a lot of experience with this space because toxic relationships feed the beast of fear.

Things to consider when creating a plan of exercise and movement:

1. What are your ultimate goals?
   Are you trying to achieve a certain weight or challenge yourself to a minimum amount of activity per day. Make a plan and set yourself up for success.

2. Understand and know yourself!
   I discovered long ago I am not a gym rat! I dislike the monotony of working on any gym machine. So instead I opt for outdoor activities when I can. I do my best to be in nature! What brings you joy? What do you enjoy doing? What have you used in the past that has worked and been successful for you?

3. Utilize the resources you presently have.
   Don’t go into debt for a thousand-dollar machine that you’ll ultimately use as a towel rack. No need to purchase a gym membership if you don’t enjoy the gym. Do you like to use weights or body resistance? Do you enjoy solo or group activities?

4. When are you most energetic?
   Again, set yourself up for success by planning your daily movement during the time of day when you’re literally going to feel the most energized to actually get it done. Do you have energy in the morning, mid-day or in the evening?

5. Actually plan it out!
   Make a commitment to self and put it on your calendar or whatever device you use to plan your life, time and activities. Make it concrete and real. Hold yourself accountable.

 FOOD

I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “A moment on your lips is a lifetime on your hips.” This has come true for me! My younger self could eat whatever the heck she wanted with no immediate issues or repercussions. Not to mention it was nothing to basically starve myself for a week to shed a few unwanted pounds. Sugar has always been my nemesis. But my midlife self is paying the price for her ignorant attitude towards food.

Understand that all areas of life are interconnected so emotional eating is very real for many including myself. My today self sees food only as a mechanism of fuel for my body. Don’t get me wrong, I still get pleasure from eating certain things (usually sweets) but I have lots more intention behind what I feed myself on a daily basis rather than stuffing my mouth when my emotions are elevated.

Here are some things to consider:

1. Pay attention to your body when you eat. Do you get bloated or sleepy after certain foods? What foods give you energy? Are you paying attention to portion size?

2. Understand what the body needs to be healthy. There’s a science behind nutrition and what the body requires to work at an optimum level. Supplement when necessary.

3. Life is about balance and so is eating!!

STRESS MANAGEMENT

First and foremost it is so important to understand that stress is a natural and healthy part of life. Stress is a built-in survival mechanism to keep us alive and the human species going. What’s not natural on the other hand is allowing stress to manifest into anxiety which is exactly what happens when we’re not effective at stress management. Many of us for an abundance of reasons did not get that training as a child and now here we are stuck in a loop of debilitating anxiety.

One of the greatest gifts we can give to self is the gift of managing stress before it gets out of control. There’s much more to this practice but here’s some highlights:

1. Live in the moment. Learn the skill of being in the right now. Stop putting the focus on what happened or what might happen. Focus on what’s happening right this moment.

2. Develop stress-relieving habits. Figure out what helps you to relax. What hobbies do you enjoy? What music speaks to your soul?.

3. Learn to assertively communicate. Being able to express yourself to others in a way that is healthy is absolutely priceless. Don’t engage in conflict unless it means growth for you. Learn that it’s okay to walk away from a conversation or a person who no longer brings you joy.

4. Let go of being perfect. We’re taught from an early age to do and be the best! Just be the best version of you.

5. Control is an illusion. We can only control one person….my individual self. There is no other control.

SLEEP

I’m learning more and more about the power of restorative sleep. I took this for granted in my younger decades using the erroneous adage of “I’ll sleep when I’m dead” to keep me going and going and going. My today self is thinking WTF were you doing? It was nothing for me to be up “kickin it” until 3 or 4 in the morning to turn around and get up a couple of hours later to get my kids to school and go to work for eight hours. If I could tell my younger self anything it would be to sit down, be still and get your rest girlfriend each and every night!

The science of sleep in connection with our overall sense of well-being has grown immensely in the last decade. Sleep is meant to sluff off the waste that is created on a biochemical level within the body and brain throughout the day. The brain rids itself of metabolic trash during sleep. Toxins are removed to eliminate build up and ultimately the development of chronic health issues later down the road. The connection between poor blood sugar management and the risk of developing Alzheimer’s is overwhelming! Guess what happens when we don’t take the trash out?

Suggestions for better sleep:

1. Sleep hygiene aka sleep etiquette is essential for a good night’s rest!

2. Create a routine to get your body in the habit of a predictable wake-sleep routine. Your mental health will thank you!

3. Include magnesium rich foods in your diet or take a supplement.

4. Manage stress and practice mindfulness.
   

COMMUNITY

If we’ve learned nothing else in the era of COVID is that our community, our peeps, our family, our circle is essential to feeling connected  within the mind-body-spirit triad. Human beings are meant to be social. Living in isolation all the time is a slow death. An integral part of self-care is to have a community of like-minded people who support and love YOU!

Some things to consider in your relationships:

Respect for self and others is key. Is there mutual respect?

1. Is there healthy communication? Do you feel safe expressing yourself? Do you feel heard and validated?

2. Are you encouraged and supported through your high and low moments?

3. Are you able to compromise so that both of you are getting your needs met?

4. Feeling safe is nonnegotiable.

5. Are you able to be autonomous and set healthy boundaries?

FINAL THOUGHTS…

Don’t get caught up in the frenzy of trends. Be intentional with your time, energy and resources to take care of yourself. I wanted to celebrate International Self-Care Day by taking time to sit with myself and commit to the process of actual self-care which is more than a spa day. I’m always available for additional conversation so take advantage of my free 30-minute consultation if you have additional questions or thoughts. Take care!

wh 

Resources:

https://isfglobal.org/international-self-care-day/

https://commonwealthherbs.com/

https://mindbodyfitness.us/2017/10/20/the-five-pillars-of-wellness/

Is swimsuit anxiety killing your hot girl summer vibe? Six tips to enjoy swimsuit season minus the anxiety!

Got swimsuit anxiety?

Summer is officially here, and someone said pool party! You’ve been invited to hangout but the thought of getting into your swimsuit and walking around in front of others puts you on pins and needles. Sound familiar?

Jamaica, 2016

Swimsuit anxiety is real for many of us. It’s a hot mess combination of social anxiety and body dysmorphia rolled up into one messy, soul-sucking mental space to hang out in. It’s like looking into those carnival mirrors. You know, the ones that make you look super out of proportion and unrecognizable?! Yeah!! For some of us that’s what we see and think everyone else sees the same thing when they look at us. So it’s just easier and safer to keep covered up and avoid those situations that might require a swimsuit. But that means you’re missing out on life!!

I remember more than one girl’s trip where I felt super conscious about getting into a bathing suit with all my skin hanging out for everyone to see. Before COVID, we traveled the first week of November every year. Because I’m a recovering Type-A personality, I always packed my bag beginning halfway through October. I always had to try on my outfits including my swimsuits to make sure I didn’t get any surprises once arriving to my destination. You know, like, they don’t fit. So, I’m looking in the mirror and any hint of that sun-kissed look that I had obtained during summer was long gone. I mean long gone! I always look pasty pale white with squishy jiggly skin because the winter snacking has kicked in. That inner critic of mine has a hell of a party as I scan and make mental note of each dimple, pimple and crater I’d see. The ugly names fly everywhere! I would NEVER talk like that to a friend of mine so why do I talk that way to myself? Welp, it took some time. It’s been a journey but I no longer do!!

6 Tips to empower yourself to be kind and compassionate through that anxiety

Honor your emotions without judgment

This is key to bringing your anxiety from 100 to 10. Just honor what you’re feeling. Don’t keep it bottled up. Talk about it out loud to yourself—yes out loud to yourself. Write down what you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way. Give yourself time to sit in the emotion but not to wallow in it then let that shit go!! Don’t be an emotion hoarder. If you have a judgement about yourself, it can be traced back to when and why that judgment was created. But, that’s another conversation.

Focus on what you can Control

One of the traps of anxiety is the tendency to focus on things that you have absolutely no control over.  The fear of the unknown is debilitating. Sit down and make a list of items you can control versus those you can’t. For example, you can control wearing clothing that is flattering. You can control what you eat. You can control how active you are. You are unable to control the size of your thighs right this minute. This is an important exercise because it keeps you grounded in reality and facts versus frolicking around with emotions that want to be in charge. Those same emotions also lie to you.

Practice body gratitude

Gratitude practice has been scientifically shown to alter the way we see things. It takes us from a place of not having to a place of abundance and appreciation for what we do have. So how does body gratitude work? Remember that your body is your ally. You move through the world because you have a physical shell—your body. It’s also important to acknowledge and say thank you to your body for doing what it does. “Thank you” body for giving me feet to walk through life. My feet keep me moving and strong. I also have cute toes that allow me to wear cute toe rings! Saying these things out loud put an energy into the Universe that bounces back to you. It’s also important to honor your body by eating foods that fuel and nourish you. Check out the free download to honor and show gratitude for your body!

Stop comparing

This one is a biggie. This is a thinking error. Stop comparing yourself to others. PeriodT. Nothing positive comes from this unhealthy habit. Trust and believe I’ve had my moments of “if I could only be like” but it made me feel worse. You have to understand and realize that we all have our own separate and unique journey to bring us to where we are. No one has the same journey. You learn and grow at your own pace which means we literally look different from each other. Imagine if we all looked the same and had the same life? Same body? Same look? How boring!

Reduce social media

Sometimes you just have to go on a social media diet. Seeing how others are living and the perceptions of their “perfect life” becomes really overwhelming to see all the time. That’s where the comparing gets out of control. Social media is meant to be entertainment not a manual on how to live YOUR life. Instead, try tuning the social media out and grounding yourself. I frequently will set a timer of 15 minutes and once that alarm goes off then I exit off of social media. I’m not saying it’s easy but you can learn to tune out the world and go inwards for your validation and comforting.

Choose clothes that flatter

Knowing and dressing for your body style is an instant boost to chase the swimsuit anxiety away. There’s lots of information on the web that can be found. I’m an apple shape also known as oval or circle. Lots of fluff around the middle so I tend to wear flowy clothing that will disguise my muffin top like the one in the picture above. Once you determine your body style, use style guides to help you find clothing that you feel comfortable and confident in. Go through your closet and get rid of the clothing that you’re going to wear “someday”. The daily visual just makes us feel bad and shameful so get rid of it.

Remember…

There is no one answer or solution as you work through your swimsuit anxiety. The important thing is to get busy and not ignore it. Start the journey of working on developing body gratitude. Life is meant for living soooooo stop being mean and cruel to yourself. Start practicing self-love. Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest. The most important thing is to be healthy. Suit up and join the fun of that pool party. I’m always available for a complimentary 30-minute consultation if you want to discuss this topic in more detail. Take care!

wh

Resources:

https://centerforchange.com/

The Benefits of Whole Person Healing

Let’s connect!

When someone reaches out to me for therapeutic services the very first thing we do is connect and talk!! Taking time to have a consultation is essential so I can learn more about the person, discover what they want to accomplish with therapy and if we’re a good fit to work together. I ask lots of questions so I can understand what is happening not just with their mental health but within their life! This consultation time allows someone to get to know me as well! In fact, I have some suggestions on questions you should ask in your therapy consultation that you can find here. This is the beginning phase of whole person healing.

Mental health support requires consideration of all aspects of who a person is and what’s happening in their life. This is extremely relevant to the process. I inquire about quality of sleep, water intake, work schedules and much much more. But why would water, sleep and schedules be important for mental health treatment. Let me tell you!!

I work within a Whole Person Framework. This means I take all aspects of a person’s life into consideration as I collaborate with the client to develop a treatment plan with specific goals that the client has established. What are these different aspects and why are they important?

Emotional Wellness
People who are emotionally healthy are in control of their thoughts, emotions and behaviors. There is an ability to successfully cope and manage life stressors. Emotional reactivity is minimal which reduces conflict and contributes to better quality relationships.

Physical Wellness
We’ve all heard more than once that physical activity is essential to an improved overall quality of life. Regular and consistent physical activity can have immediate and long-term health benefits. Lots of feel-good chemicals are released in the brain as well as the reduction of overall stress and anxiety.

Spiritual Wellness
At some point, we all try and figure out the meaning of life. We’re looking for “the point of it all” type of answers. Most want to be connected to a feeling of belonging as we look to a higher power of some kind. Understanding our values and beliefs acts as a compass that leads us to live what we believe through our actions in everyday life.

Intellectual Wellness
Curiosity is important to motivate each of us to try new things, develop a better understanding of self as well as within our interpersonal relationships and the world around us. Having a desire to learn helps us to be more well-rounded and contribute to the environment we live in.

Social Wellness
Human beings are social beings. We’ve come to understand that the stronger support system that a person is invested in that they experience a longer life, have a greater feeling of contentment, and enjoy better quality of life. Healthy relationships contribute to overall improved physical health.

Environmental Wellness
The place in which we live dictates the quality of life we will have. This includes within the family, community and globally. Adequate food, water and shelter is the foundation for each person to live.

Occupational Wellness
Feeling independent, valued and having a purpose are essential to an overall sense of well-being and health.

Financial Wellness
Having the resources to take care of individual personal life needs requires having an income of some sort as well as a general understanding of how to manage money affairs. Financial independence is critical for maintaining a sense of independence and autonomy.

Using this visual of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, let’s dig deeper into why whole person healing is essential. If a person is struggling to meet their physical and physiological needs they are basically in survival mode. Nothing else matters but survival so my job is to direct the dialogue and provide resources for this person to solve their issues regarding those basic needs. To add an extra layer, if someone has experienced trauma and not processed those experiences the brain might continue to interpret being in survival mode and working on anything else will be next to impossible.

When I meet with a new client and begin to peel back the different areas of their life and discover they are struggling to meet those bottom level needs, there is an aha moment for the client when I describe this as survival mode. It’s impossible to do work on anxiety, self-esteem or even trauma when the brain is in survival mode. Basic needs have to be met and I focus on getting clients somewhat stabilized prior to digging in too deep regarding issues and goals.

Benefits of Whole Person Healing include:

• Improved interpersonal relationships

• More frequent use of healthy communication

• Better work-life balance

• Self-discovery and personal growth

• Increased ability to regulate emotions and stress management

• More consistent use of self-care behaviors

• Improved physical wellness

• Increased self-awareness

The interconnection of life

As you know and experience on a daily basis, each of these realms is very interconnected to one another. Think about this. There are eight people standing on a trampoline. If everyone is being still then there’s balance and harmony but what happens when one of those people begins to jump? Now there’s imbalance and chaos. If only one person moves everyone on the trampoline feels it! That’s exactly what happens within our life as well. When one area of our life is jolted and impacted by life events there is a ripple effect to other areas within our lives. When clients begin to connect those dots we call them aha moments!

As a therapist that practices whole person healing, understanding each area of a person’s life is essential for me to provide the support, resources and dialogue that is necessary for individual growth to happen. So when I ask about your water intake, sleep quality and work schedule, now you understand why!

Growth never stops! I encourage my clients to consistently evaluate these areas of their lives because knowing what isn’t working means you’re one step closer to understanding how to find the joy we all desire within our day-to-day lives! I practice what I teach and am constantly looking at my life trampoline to see what needs some balancing.

If you’d like to talk more about this concept, I’d love to chat with you in a complimentary 30-minute consultation to figure out if my practice and philosophies are a good fit for you. Click here or email me at info@wendyhawkins.net. Wishing you great things in life. Take care!!

wh

Tips to get through your midlife crisis

The 40s and 50s can bring change that can be uncomfortable and unwanted. We’ve all heard about the stories right! Buying expensive toys like cars and jewelry or getting body enhancing procedures are just some of the many stereotypical ideas about the “crazy” things people do when they are in the midst of a midlife crisis. When we hear these stories as young adults it’s so easy to shrug and laugh but how do you bypass or at least minimize the inevitable midlife crisis?

So let’s talk about what this life event looks like and how to move forward to get through the funk of things.

common symptoms and signs

As we age, it is very natural to feel tired or exhausted from the stressors of day to day life. Some days these symptoms may feel more intense than others but if you begin to notice this is the norm on a daily basis, we might need to look deeper. Here’s some questions you should ask yourself and consider:

• Do you think about or worry that you’ve made wrong choices in your life?

• Do you dread getting out of bed for the same old routine everyday?

• Do the hobbies you once loved no longer bring you joy?

• Have you made recent spontaneous and impulsive life or financial decisions?

• Are you uncertain about what the next move is in your life?

• Do you consistently feel apathetic and detached from life?

• Do you fear that life will never get better or more exciting?
  
  Do any of these resonate with you? What now? How do you move forward?

Moving forward into the next life phase

Acknowledge the positive

There is no definitive way to “fix” a midlife crisis, especially since this is part of the journey but there are things you can do to put your situation into perspective.

First, think about what is going right in your life. Do you have a family? Think about all of the things you have done to support them. Think about your spouse or partner, your friends, coworkers, and even your extended family. How have these relationships positively impacted your life? Focus on the things that have gone right.

set some New Goals

Many people experience a midlife crisis because they feel that they’ve achieved all of their goals, and there’s nothing else left. You simply have to unlearn this mindset. There are plenty of things left to achieve in your lifetime, and it’s up to you to set those goals.

You could start by taking up a new hobby or planning a trip to a place you’ve always wanted to visit. Your goals could be even smaller-scale: try to improve a skill you already have, or simply make it a goal to talk to your family members more often.

There are so many possibilities to learn new things and set new goals, so keep this in mind when your midlife crisis tries to convince you that there’s nothing left to achieve in your lifetime.

Moving Forward with Your Life

Many people expect to have life completely figured out by the time they’re middle-aged, but instead, experience a new level of fear or uncertainty. At the same time, while many grapple with a midlife crisis, a lot of people also overcome the issue.

If you’re going through a midlife crisis yourself, don’t keep your feelings bottled up. Express yourself—whether that be to a significant other, a coworker, a friend, or possibly a therapist. There is no shame in going through a midlife crisis. And you certainly don’t have to live with your fear and uncertainty forever—or go through it alone.

Remember, that each one of us is responsible for our own happiness. Seriously consider seeking out a therapist to get you through your midlife crisis. Self-discovery can help to gain clarity about yourself, but a therapist can also provide you with support and resources to get over your funk and realize all of the positives in your life. Your midlife crisis is not the end of the line for your happiness! I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation for us to discuss the goals you’d like to set to get through the hump. You’re in control of your mental health wellness.

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5 more tips to grow your mindfulness practice

We’re back for more ways to practice, build and use those coping skills to be mindful and present in the moment. This video has five more ways you can be mindful to reduce your stress and anxiety. Remember, that 30-minute complimentary consultation is ready and waiting for you. Take care!

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5 Tips to Jumpstart Your Mindfulness Practice

Do you think being mindful is impossible for you? Do you think it takes too much time? Maybe you struggle to sit still? These five tips will get you started in an easy and simple way! Remember, I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to discuss your plan to getting well! Take care!

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Over 50 and dating...

““Hope for love, pray for love, wish for love, dream for love…but don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.”
― Mandy Hale, The Single Woman: Life, Love, and a Dash of Sass”

Dating ain’t the same no more

I just wanna know….when did it get so hard?? The struggle is real people. There’s no more “magically” bumping into someone at the grocery store, exchanging phone numbers and letting the fun begin. The art of dating is forever lost! First of all, with the set in of COVID we all have our groceries delivered! We have our Walmart, Target and Old Navy purchases delivered as well. Whatever is left that we need is delivered from Amazon. If we happen to be out and about, so many of us are not paying attention to who or what’s in front of us so it doesn’t really matter. We’re looking at our phones, worrying about our afternoon appointments or adjusting the mask that’s irritating our face for the 50th time!

As a woman over 50, the dating pool is even more narrow and complicated than it is for energetic and perky 20-year olds. Seasoned vets of the relationship game like myself have probably had a heartbreak or two so the whole princess being saved by the prince theme is long gone and played out. We don’t buy it. We don’t believe it. We don’t even look for it anymore.

I don’t know if I’m jaded, but I look at relationships like transactions now. Each party has an idea of what they would like to get out of the interaction. Perhaps it’s love or maybe it’s just a hot roll around in the bed. Regardless of what IT is, there are still some healthy and positive ways to find a partner that can be the peanut butter to your jelly!!

Do you know what you want?

1. First and foremost, make sure you know what you really want in a relationship. I’m not talking the aesthetics of the person but the meat and potatoes of what the relationship brings to your life. Sit down, be honest with yourself and think about what are your needs? What brings you happiness? What puts a smile on your face? What are your non-negotiables? Most of us don’t have a clue because we don’t take time to have a conversation with ourselves. Do you want adventure, safety, companionship, freedom, etc. etc.? List the top 3-5 concrete things that you need within your relationship for it to be positive and fulfilling.

2. Once you know what you are looking for, learn how to articulate it!! Again, many of us use generic descriptions to define what we want. Use the phrase “I want” or “I need” when communicating with potential dating possibilities. If you’ve taken time to do the work of self-discovery then you don’t have to waste your time on folks who aren’t gonna fit the bill for whatever reason. I’m all about expediency!

3. At one point in time, I had a long exhaustive list with bulleted items that I wanted my potential sweetheart to possess. However, it came painfully clear to me that I was being super ridiculous and unrealistic!! So, we must learn to be flexible and remove the expectation of what we think we want and allow the energy to manifest what is best for us. Now that doesn’t mean settle but that does mean be realistic in your thinking.

4. This is a big one! Be open to new experiences!! Somebody important once said if you want something new and different then you’ll have to do new and different things. Go and actually grab your own groceries in person. Try a new coffee shop. Take a daytrip to try a new restaurant. Join a dating site. Take a girls’ trip. Just be open to changing your routine to allow for new people to enter your world. That greatly improves the odds of meeting more new and interesting people.

5. Be in the moment! Don’t look at each potential as “the one” but instead look at enjoying that person at that moment. See where things go if anywhere. Just realize and understand that dating is a numbers game! If things don’t work out don’t take it personally. Remember that who and what is for you will easily make it into your life and pathway.

6. Take care of you. Make sure you are being the best and most healthy version of yourself. When we are single that is the best time to do the “work” necessary to process the old baggage from previous relationships. Don’t mix old crap with new possibilities because it just won’t work out in the end. Deal with your past, forgive yourself and others then move on to live.

At the end of the day, there are no guarantees. We’re set in our ways. We like things to be a certain way. Dating and finding love over 50 has its own unique set of challenges. Make sure to build and develop the life YOU want as a single woman. Enjoy living and do the things necessary to make your life rich and full of contentment on your terms. Don’t sit around and wait for “the one”. Go out and live your best life and remember that a life partner is just an added dimension to an already beautiful love story with yourself.

If you’d like to explore this topic some more, don’t forgot I offer a complimentary 30-minute consultation! Take care!

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Learning to thrive with chronic illness!

As I’m on my journey to health and wellness, I have to admit there are days I just feel like crap!! One of my main goals at this point in my life is to focus on thriving and not just surviving BUT in order to do that there has to be an understanding as well as a plan in developing health goals. Common Wealth Herbs talks about the four pillars of wellness and that was exactly the blueprint I needed to get on track, set goals and implement my strategy. Take a look!

Don’t forget! I offer a 30-minute complimentary consultation to figure out how to get you back on track as well. Take care!

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Is There a Connection Between Childhood Emotional Neglect and Adult PTSD?

childhood emotional neglect

Time and age share the same forward trajectory. Though it might seem that neither time nor age carries a significant enough relevance to help you live free from the past. Furthermore, your past experiences could haunt you or impact you in unexpected ways. And you might not even realize it. The way you feel or react could catch you off guard. You might even have trouble identifying why you feel the way you do. Many people experiencing symptoms from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) have that problem. If that's you, here's how your past and PTSD may be connected.

Who Is the Young Trauma Victim?

Childhood emotional neglect sounds like a very serious and intense experience. And it is. The thing about it is that it happens in little bits at a time, and it can be very subtle. Many people imagine neglect as withholding food or water from a child. While it certainly can be failing to provide the basics, it can also be a lot more. For instance, emotional neglect also includes not giving a child appropriate emotional support. This could mean failing to answer a child's cry for help, ignoring them when they were talking, or not validating their feelings. Overly critical parents or the absent parent also fail to provide emotional support. Many victims of emotional neglect often weren't hugged or shown physical affection. One of the most significant forms of childhood emotional neglect is the failure to form secure attachments. For one reason or another, a parent or caregiver isn't emotionally available for the child. In turn, that child goes about life with a shattered sense of trust because they weren't able to form a healthy attachment to the parent or caregiver.

When Flashbacks Debilitate

Those who face emotional neglect in their childhood often have developmental struggles. It can impact you so greatly that you may not have physically or cognitively developed properly. On the other hand, you may have appeared perfectly normal on the outside all the way to adulthood. It's on the inside where you most likely feel abnormal. But, eventually, these unseen effects slowly begin to overflow into other areas. Certain situations, turn of phrases, or even smells could trigger what are known as "flashbacks." You may feel like you did as a child during these flashback moments. Feelings of worthlessness or anger are common ways people with PTSD react when experiencing those flashbacks. Moreover, flashbacks have a way of interfering with your relationships, too. When you weren't able to form an attachment to your parents or caregiver, it conditioned you to approach all other relationships the same way. That's why, throughout your life, you may have always felt distant or detached from people. In short, flashbacks are a key element in identifying PTSD and many survivors of childhood emotional neglect experience them.

How the Trickle Qualifies as PTSD

Professionals used to believe that a diagnosis of PTSD was only fitting for those individuals who had an intense emotional response to the traumatic event. This meant that a person had to go through a jolting and extreme event to trigger PTSD symptoms. But childhood neglect is more like a trickle or continuous little drops. Kind of like a faucet that never turns off. Eventually, it overtakes you like a flood, but it doesn't happen all at once. Yet, at the same time, victims of childhood emotional neglect display many of the same symptoms as those experiencing PTSD—avoidance, a negative outlook of the world, and feeling detached from other people. As mentioned before, flashbacks are also a key symptom. Today in the field of mental health care, the ongoing trickle of childhood emotional neglect now qualifies as a cause for PTSD. In fact, the two are connected in a cause and effect sort of relationship that can have a an impact for many years. If you'd like to learn more about the connection between children emotional neglect and PTSD, please contact me for your 30-minute complimentary consultation. Together, we can uncover the hidden causes for why you feel the way you do and find a way to empower you to reclaim your life.

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How You Can Experience Natural Anxiety Relief with Magnesium

natural-anxiety-relief

It seems everyone complains that there’s a “new miracle cure” every week. Well, this may be true according to our trending news feeds and click-bait articles. But, in reality, our bodies know what works.

If it’s natural anxiety relief you seek, you don’t need a “miracle cure.” Your path towards peace of mind may start with magnesium.

What is Magnesium and Why Is It So Important for Anxiety?

Magnesium is a powerful calming dietary mineral. It boasts a wide range of positive effects on your mind and body. It is necessary in over 600 metabolic functions and has been called “nature’s Valium.” Magnesium offers natural anxiety relief in many ways for example:

• Activates important neurotransmitters to allow the brain to better relax

• Increases your brain’s ability to heal itself

• Removes heavy metals from your system

• Reduces both stress and the presence of stress hormones

• Reduces bodily inflammation, including brain inflammation, which not only causes anxiety but depression and memory loss

Unfortunately, modern life, which tends to be heavy on highly refined foods, has led to widespread magnesium deficiency. This deficiency allows anxiety the opportunity to creep in. Sometimes we don't even realize it's happened.

Who Needs Natural Anxiety Relief?

Anxiety is much more than feeling nervous, edgy, or shy. It's a common diagnosis presenting symptoms like:

• A chronic sense of doom, panic, tension, and being in danger

• Uncontrollable worry

• Avoidance of anything or anyone who we fear may trigger us

• Loss of focus, inability to concentrate

• Physical symptoms like rapid breathing, sleep disturbance, digestive issues, increased heart rate, weakness, sweating, or trembling

It’s easy to see why anyone experiencing such symptoms would seek a non-invasive and natural form of relief like magnesium.

4 Ways Magnesium Can Offer Natural Anxiety Relief

natural anxiety relief

1. Make changes to your eating habits

The great news here is that you can eat your way to magnesium help. Here are some of the top food sources for magnesium: black beans, almonds, cashews, spinach, soy milk, shredded wheat cereal, sunflower, squash and pumpkin seeds, tempeh, avocado, and peanut butter. Many ways to obtain magnesium through daily nutrition.

2. Incorporate supplements

Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxer so when you're looking for supplements be mindful of the type on the health food store shelf you pick up. You may encounter a wide range of chemistry-sounding words attached to it. Magnesium carbonate, glycinate, citrate, malate, taurate, and more are available. Make sure to find a variation that is easily absorbed and easy on the stomach and bowels. Educate yourself so you can properly care for yourself.

3. Stabilize Blood Sugar

A hypoglycemic attack may occur when the brain does not get enough of its primary fuel course, glucose. This leads to low blood sugar and the subsequent release of stored sugar. The end result is a sensation, not unlike a panic attack. Magnesium supplements have been found to prevent hypoglycemia and hence, reduce anxiety.

natural-anxiety-relief

4. Relieve Depression

The numbers, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, connecting anxiety and depression are staggering.

• The number of those with a major depressive disorder who are also diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? A whopping 85 percent!

• The number of those with an anxiety disorder who experience depression? An even larger 90 percent!

Magnesium’s depression relief properties play an added role in addressing anxiety. By raising serotonin levels (a mood-boosting neurotransmitter), magnesium is found to be as effective as antidepressants—often as soon as a week following introduction.

How to Separate Fact From Fiction

Of course, there’s much more to non-pharmaceutical healing than natural anxiety relief. No one expects you to master the nuances overnight. That’s where an experienced, well-rounded guide comes in handy. Rather than relying on what may be nutritional fake news, you can go to the source. Thus, working with a therapist who embraces a wide range of modalities is crucial. Everybody and everybody is different. A holistic-minded practitioner treats the person, not just the condition. Are you ready to connect the dots between how you feel and your nutritional needs? Please contact me soon for your 30-minute free consultation. I am here to support your journey!!

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All About CBD

All about CBD

What is CBD?

Now that "weed" day has come and gone, let's learn all about CBD! Cannabidiols or more commonly referred to as CBD is an oil derived from marijuana or industrial hemp which is considered at this time a dietary supplement. CBD lacks THC (Tetrahydrocannabinol) that is found in marijuana therefore we don't get that "high" feeling when utilized.

Your body needs CBD!

What many don't know is that the human body has a system called the Endocannibinoid system that requires CBD to properly function in a healthy and effective way. Because there is no THC influence, the medicinal effects of CBD work on a grander scale. Neurological receptors within the human brain interact with the CBD and can provide relief within many aspects of mental and physical wellness.  

CBD and mental health!

Anxiety is prevalent among at least 40 million Americans, according to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America. In a recent CBD oil survey, more than 50% anxiety sufferers who opted for the tincture completely did away with medications to treat the disorder. Studies revealed that using CBD oil for traumatic or stressful experiences can assist with controlling emotional responses associated with anxiety such as restlessness, palpitations, muscle tension and stomach butterflies. The reduction of stress for military veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder was shown in more recent studies. CBD oil has shown to be an effective combatant of depression, affecting almost 20 million Americans today. Animal studies have shown that the oil has a regulating effect on the receptors for serotonin. In depression, the serotonin levels are reduced, so stable control thanks to CBD effects would have a positive effect on mood.

CBD and physical health!

The idea that cannabis relieves pain is ages old, however scientific data has now proven it’s promise for relief. CBD oil has a numbing effect in the brain’s pathways for pain while reducing inflammation. It’s a common antidote for those suffering from chronic pain and even cancer patients receiving chemotherapy treatments. In addition to reducing the severity of pain, the use of cannabis also improved sleeping patterns.  The power of inflammation reduction goes beyond pain relief. Asthma sufferers also hail from the effects of the plant as it’s been proved to help with the dilation of bronchial tubes, making it easier to breathe.  For cancer patients, CBD oil acts as more than just a pain reliever however. Lab results have shown that the cannabinoids from the extract blast cancer cells through apoptosis (natural cell death). It helps prevent the reproduction of cancer cells while preventing new blood cells from becoming tumors. When CBD oil is running through the body, it creates a sort of protective wall that prevents cancer cells from spreading and penetrating into healthy tissue. Is CBD the cure for cancer? I don't know, however it is safe to say that sufferers gain from several beneficial effects by utilizing CBD.As the scientific research with cannabinoids expands, evidence has shined some light on cases of patients with epilepsy relying on CBD oil for seizure relief. The compound still has a long way to go, but in a medical track where the effectiveness of current seizure medications is not very high, CBD oil holds a promising position in healthcare with a low risk of side effects.

All About CBD!

So, how do you use it? There are a variety of ways to integrate CBD oil into your mental and/or physical remedies, most commonly in oil form that can be mixed into foods and drinks. Capsules are available, as are sprays and edibles. Many people enjoy cooking with CBG while some use bath bombs for it's beneficial relief.

Most studies have shown that CBD oil is a well-tolerated remedy, with no significant side effects on vital signs or mood, unless there were signs of improvement. At worst, the feeling of being tired was reported most often, with occasional changes in appetite or weight. An adequate amount of studies have not yet weighed out the risks of CBD oil on the long-term. Introducing CBD oil into your life is definitely a great way to take charge of your mental health and in some cases, your physical health journey however it is recommended to discuss with a qualified healthcare practitioner before use.

Do your own research and see if CBD is another tool you can put in your Mental Health Toolbox. I personally use Lazarus Naturals products. If you’d like to talk more about CBD and it’s impact on your overall well-being, I’d love to chat. Contact me for your complimentary 30-minute consultation. Take care!

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DIY Your Mental Health Toolbox into Life!

“Take good care of yourself.”

For many of us sometimes sprinting through the rat race of life, the statement rings exceptionally loud as it floats through conversations with colleagues, family members and healthcare practitioners. What does self-care mean for you? From a holistic practitioner standpoint, it means to identify the needs of your mind, body and soul and to take the steps necessary to meet them. Let's look at one creative way to DIY your Mental Health Toolbox into life!In a world where we can witness or access anything or anyone at any time thanks to the internet and social media, practicing self-care in the 24/7 world while buried in regular life stuff like work and family can pose a challenge. But it is possible and with a little bit of prioritized time investment, it can even be creatively fun!In recent months, I’ve begun to build on the importance of this self-care way of life to encourage my clients to be the best versions of themselves as possible. A great supplement to the self-care routine that doubles as a creative catharsis project is your personal version of the Mental Health Toolbox. DIY your Mental Health Toolbox into life!

When I was doing community based services, I worked with young children as well as adolescents. For young people who are struggling with keeping it together at times, I would create a "coping skills bag" which is basically a portable Mental Health Toolbox. We would talk out what they liked to do and then I would fill their bag with those items. It could range from coloring books and crayons to legos or puzzles. The possibilities were endless! The point was they had immediate solutions at their fingertips of how to effectively manage their emotions and overall well-being.

As with the coping skills bag, the concept of the Mental Health Toolbox encourages you to have the proper tools necessary to empower yourself and take charge of your mental health journey at your fingertips. This toolbox will vary from person to person, and as your holistic therapist, I assist with helping you choose the tools that work best for your mental wellness.

Some of these tools can be the practice of better habits like adequate rest and nutrition, but some of them can be actual items that can be collected in your personal Mental Health Toolbox and need to be stored. The object is to have it within quick access when you are in need of self-care or relief from any of life’s day-to-day strains. These items can range from some of your favorite photos, a variety of journals, an uplifting book, scent oils or incense, bath bombs, healthy snacks, business cards for on-call massage therapists, your favorite teas, stress balls and anything under that sun that can act as a little friend to help get you through the day.

DIY Your Mental Health Toolbox into Life!

Because these items can go a long way in providing relief and relaxation, they most certainly deserve a good home!

DIY Your Mental Health Toolbox into Life!

DIY Your Mental Health Toolbox into Life!

DIY Your Mental Health Toolbox into Life!

I’ve found some of my favorite DIY self-care box ideas on Pinterest, posted below with an approximation on the cost of materials. I absolutely loved this neutral eco-friendly box that essentially costs nothing and would look beautiful in any room. Here’s what you need: - An old box suitable to fit your self-care items - A roll of Jute- A glue gun Approximate cost – Under $10When I came across this box, I immediately thought of the pile of magazines that I always keep handy for creative projects. This may be a little more time intensive but I can expect quiet, creative time in a well-lit room during the weekend could prove to be therapeutic. The love that you put into making this box will flow through to your self-care babies and glaze over you like warm sunlight on the days you need it most. Approximate cost - under $5 for glue stick and clips. If you're looking to express your self care in the form of de-cluttering, this DIY storage box is a perfect alternative home for old sweaters, leggings or flip-flops. My favorite things about this project is that I wouldn’t have to give up some of my favorite pieces because I have a great place to store them now. Approximate cost – under $5 for glue sticks; under $10 if you don’t already own a glue gun. Self-care should be as much prioritized as paying your monthly rent or mortgage, because it is essential for balance and personal success. But let's face it--self-care has to be practical or we won't follow through and do it! When you dedicate your self-love creatively with a calming project such as this, you reinforce your priority to yourself and your needs. Go ahead and DIY your Mental Health Toolbox. I’d love to see your toolbox photos!

I’m always available to talk about this more. Just contact me for you 30-minute complimentary consultation. Take care!

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Self-injury awareness

self-injury awareness

Self-injury awareness

Sixteen year old Allison** has been cutting her arms for years. She has many scars that tell a story of self-hate and loathing due to past sexual abuse. She was violated as a young girl by her sister's boyfriend. When she experiences intense emotions she feels she can't tolerate, Allison** takes any object she can find--a razor blade, thumbtack, paperclip just to name a few--and slowly drags the object across her skin. She tell me that the intense emotional pain she was feeling is now drowned out by the immediate physical pain from the tearing of her skin. She feels in control now because she has the power to stop or intensify the physical pain. Allison** is not an anomaly. In fact, she is one in two million people who are actively self-harming also known as self-injury. March is self-injury awareness month. Keep reading for more information.

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is defined as the intentional injury against oneself due to an inability to effectively manage intense emotions.  Physical injury can include the slicing, scraping and/or burning of one’s own skin, excessive pulling of hair, head-banging against a wall or hard object, breaking of bones and several other damaging acts aimed at hurting oneself. Although these behaviors are demonstrated by multiple demographics, the more common sufferers of self-injury tend to be adolescent females, victims of abuse and individuals with mood disorders and lacking skills in expression and emotional regulation. In the U.S., there are at least 2 million reported self-injury cases each year. Clinically, this type of behavior is called Non-Suicidal Self Injury (NSSI).  

Why self-harm?

The sight of blood, the stinging of pain, the sound of a skull hitting the wall is, for many, the only instant distraction from intense and often stressful emotions and situations. If the skills to process and reasonably handle a difficult situation are not instilled within an individual, the act of self-injury acts as an immediate silencer from the alarms screaming inside the brain that are associated with intense stress. In some cases, self-mutilation is an act of punishment, or even a way to snap out of emotional numbness associated with depression or other mental illnesses. Regardless of the reasoning behind coping with stressful stimulant, the relief is temporary and unfortunately, self-injury serves only to perpetuate the underlying trigger that caused it. Understanding the why helps bring understanding to self-injury awareness.

Many times, self-injury breeds and continues the cycle of negative feelings as an individual is painfully reminded of the wounds or bruising during the physical healing process. Shame, guilt and even reliving the initial stressor that led to the act only further buries them into sorrow, oftentimes creating a new trigger cycle and more suffering. Mental illnesses such as anxiety, depression, trauma and other emotional challenges are at the root of the self-injury entanglement.

Myths around self-injury

Information from self-harmers reveal that there are several myths surrounding the subject. The idea that individuals do it for attention or are ‘suicidal’ are not always true. Reading into the voices of some of these sufferers helps to better understand their coping mechanism. In the end, the act of hurting oneself is a desperate attempt to express dark emotions through physical pain rather than endure the internal pain and emotional agony within. Although this may be a common coping mechanism to handle stress for individuals with mental illness, it is not physically, mentally or spiritually healthy. The practice erodes the potential of circumstances improving, but thankfully there are ways to evolve the habit and replace with more effective cathartic ways of regulating stress and intense feelings. The first step in addressing any problem is to identify and name it as such.

Getting through self-injury

Mindfulness is an effective mental health tool in confronting the afflictions of the mind. There are several alternative mental road maps to take once that trigger is identified, and thankfully, many of them are within arm’s reach! Seeking support, be it confiding in friends, family or even a therapist can also provide relief and begin to teach methods that override the urges to self harm.  Therapy can also help build other social skills such as confidence and trust, feelings of empowerment and self-control and the potential for the evolution of mental well-being. I am here to support you and welcome a 30-minute free consultation.

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Allison** continues to struggle with effectively managing her emotional distress but she has made great progress. She hasn't self-harmed in months which is a great achievement!! She uses less and less self-injury and has learned healthy coping skills to manage her intense emotions. We continue to see each other and I'll continue to support her emotional growth.

**Client name changed to protect her identity

Resources

1-800-DON'T-CUT – More info on self-injury

*http://www.selfinjury.com – Referrals for therapists and tips for how to stop.

*1-800-273-TALK – A 24-hour crisis hotline if you're about to self-harm or are in an emergency situation.

*To Write Love On Her Arms (http://www.TWLOHA.com) - A non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

*1-800-SUICIDE – Hotline for people contemplating suicide.

*1-800-334-HELP – Self Injury Foundation's 24-hour national crisis line.

*1-800-799-SAFE – Domestic violence hotline.

*1-877-332-7333 – Real Help For Teens' help line.

The Mental Choice to be Happy

The mental choice to be happy

The Mental Choice to be Happy

The mental choice to be happy is tough at times but can be done. Most of us make the mental choice to get out of bed every morning and brush our teeth groggily; we choose milk and sugar with our coffee and choose a radio station on the way to work almost every day, without even thinking about it. So why is it so hard then, to choose to be happy, every day, all (if not most of) the time?

Happiness with a scientific flair

Variations in genetics and upbringing will affect the level of happiness within a person however, it’s important to know there’s scientific evidence that at least 40% of those happy levels are self-controlled. Yes! YOU are in charge of a big piece of that happy pie! And when you refine that mental choice to be happy with supplemental self-care practices such as exercise, proper nutrition and meditation, happiness becomes a natural state of being, rather than a far-fetched destination millions of mental miles away. A lot of what may cloud the awareness of choice are the layers of mental noise and excessive thought, distractions of a 9 to 5, and just the daily hustle and bustle of life’s to-do lists that we can never seem to catch up with. It’s easy for our souls to get swept away by the turbulent thoughts and schedules, but there is a way to take charge and evolve into a new mental pattern where making the choice to be happy is habitual to the mind, body and soul.

Talking yourself out of happiness

If you feel you are on a consistent path of a melancholy mindset or avenue of anxiety, you’ll find hope in learning that shifting away from that dark place begins with the openness to choose differently. Experimental studies show that acknowledging you have a choice goes a long way in the brain’s road-map to happiness. A simple self-talk, such as verbally or mentally telling yourself “I choose to be happy today” is the first step in making a positive difference in your mood and mental well-being! Try it now. And tomorrow. And every morning as part of your daily routine. Picking out a specific cue, like your alarm clock going off, or reaching for the toothbrush before looking at your mirror to smile and recite the magic words is extremely helpful in developing the easy habit.  Remember that habits become second nature behavior after only a few repetitions. Ingraining this self-talk habit into your routine is the first easy and manageable step in evolving your mental health.

Happiness habits

Many of you walk (or dance, crawl, run, fly) through life on the shirttails of common goals like saving money, avoiding junk food, reading 1 book per month or hitting sales quota at work.  Happiness should be at the top of your list. It’s no wonder why experts recommend the goal because if happiness is achieved, the rest of your goals are far more pleasant and attainable. Happiness chips away at the weights of life that once slowed down your personal progress. The question then becomes: how do you attain happiness once you’ve made the choice to make it your daily mindset? Once you've made the mental choice to be happy, there are several tweaks you can apply in your daily routine that will help reinforce the notion. Starting off with simple things like activating the muscles around your mouth that cause you to smile sends a signal to your brain that generates happiness. Try it this very second. That forced smile just stimulated the cingulate cortex, the section of your brain that controls the links between happiness and smiling. It’s like reverse activation, rather than an independent thought or circumstance igniting the happiness that creates the smile, by smiling first you are lighting a happy light in your brain on command. You simply have to make the choice to do it! Perhaps after a fresh tooth brushing in the morning, just after you’ve repeated your new happiness mantra. Give yourself a sparkle of your own self and start the day off right. Smile!!

Mental Health Toolbox

Now that you know how to apply two of the simplest, easiest actions that can get you closer to experiencing happiness as a second nature, you can begin integrating new habits as you evolve your mental well-being. Take your time, ease into it and be kind to yourself. Here is a helpful list to add to your life goals that will help you effectively accomplish the choice of being happy. If you are challenged by a mental illness like anxiety, depression or trauma, you can take the brave step of creating a mental health toolbox. It’s a personal arsenal of tools that not only help eradicate the negative mental patterns you live with, but also a great way to empower, educate and evolve into the best possible version of yourself. (Please remember that I am available to assist with added guidance.) Take care and make the mental choice to be happy!!

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Trauma and Ethnic Mental Health

Trauma and ethnic mental health

Trauma and ethnic mental health

There's a direct connection between trauma and ethnic mental health. There's no getting around it or sugar-coating the facts. Due to racial trauma, the mental health among communities of color continues to decline due to a very specific social injustice that still exists in America.

Racial trauma, which is similar to post-traumatic stress, is a psychological trend experienced by black and brown people of America. Likely factors leading to this type of race-related stress include re-experiencing historic trauma, experiencing or witnessing current racially-motivated violence or being within a community of poverty that perpetuates institutional racism.

Traumatic interactions can happen directly, as victims of racial violence and discrimination or even by continuously witnessing it in public. Trauma and ethnic mental health can be related to experiencing police brutality (real or on TV/social media) living in institutional poverty, being subjected to stereotypes and hate crimes. Results of such experiences as the victim or the witness, include depression, anxiety, paranoia and anger management difficulties. Mental health professionals have also found that racial trauma also perpetuates the divide among races that creates the problem in the first place.

Declining mental health

Many experiencing racial trauma tend to have a distrust against the oppressing race, a hyper-vigilance to threats and even the attribution of their own race as reason to be failures. Such distress over a lifetime often leads to mood disorders that bolster unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse or violence, further leading to problems with addiction and crime. This creates a direct correlation between trauma and ethnic mental health. The trauma can behave as a trap across generations that only further internalizes the self-hate broiling among the traumatized on the sole factor of their race creating additional historic trauma. Feelings of hopelessness discourage any break in the cycle of trauma and failure among people of color. Although the effects of racism are identifiable in people of color, the racial trauma has yet to be recognized as a diagnostic label in the mental health community.

Advocate and Educate

Responding to hate crimes and racial acts of violence with a mission of advocacy is one way to feel accomplished and purposeful. Rather than demonstrate apathy and acceptance that its “just the way it is” for a person of color, standing up in the name of one’s race scrapes away at the self-hatred that can contribute to certain mood disorders and unhealthy coping. Feeling a sense of contribution instills a feeling of empowerment, and with empowerment comes a will to live and serve in the name of race and humanity as a whole.

Educating yourself and others about the detriments of racial trauma also reassures the confidence-building necessary to face these social injustices while spreading awareness. Teaching children, relatives and friends builds an advocacy network that slowly creates the dent toward breaking down the infrastructure of racial unfairness. For many of these groups, obstacles like poverty and lack of insurance prevent access to professional help, yet the act of educating to promote awareness may spark a desire to seek healing through online communities. There are also several online sources from professional organizations that educate on how ethnic inequality adversely affects our society, and ways to address the issue.

Self-Empowerment

Evolving the societal consciousness as a whole could still take several lifetimes before racism against ethnic groups is obsolete, there are ways to cope with this form of PTSD. Committing to self-care and obtaining professional help with the self-awareness of racial trauma can also act as a weapon against racism.

Whether it’s building a Mental Health Toolbox, speaking with a licensed social worker specializing on race-related stress or learning the process of proactive coping, equipping yourself with the right strategies can ensure the mental evolution necessary for a productive life.

There are also areas of racism exposure that can controlled, as to not perpetuate the trauma within oneself. Disconnecting from certain explosive social media pages, limiting the consumption of news and redirecting energy from getting angry into self-care can be helpful in combating race-related stress.

If you are a person of color, do you feel that ethnic inequality has contributed to any mental health imbalances within yourself? If so, how are you coping now? I’m interested in hearing how you’ve learned to evolve from discrimination based on your race and community, with the intention to help others in your very unique situation. I’m always available for a 30-minute consultation!

wh

Building the Mental Health Toolbox

Building the Mental Health Toolbox

As with all tasks, having the proper tools empowers one to be prepared, knowledgeable and ultimately successful. When thinking of mental health and developing one's sense of well-being there is no difference. Building a Mental Health Toolbox is essential to the positive evolution of one's mental health overall. If we all adapt this mindset, then we're all under construction. So grab your hardhat and let's get busy! 

Understand the diagnostic label

Whether it’s a therapist, a close friend or even your own research that finally attributes your troubles to a mental illness or disorder of sorts, it can be a challenge to integrate the diagnostic label as a part of your existence. Although many find relief in finally understanding why a happy life has been so hard to come by, accepting the new label may be as difficult as adjusting to a third arm or sixth toe. And that’s okay. That extension of your persona has likely been in existence for a large part of your life. A new name for a characteristic of your psyche doesn’t make you less of a human and most certainly doesn’t define you. A diagnostic label is meant to classify you by a set of observable traits to determine the treatment most suitable for you. But in no way is this meant to segregate all clients with one label as the exact same – each person is an individual with specific challenges, experiences and varying degrees of these traits. Every client living with anxiety, PTSD or depression is unique beyond the diagnostic label used in doctor and insurance offices across the country and its important that they are treated as such.

By embracing your label, you take the first step in acceptance of who you are, a key element of the self-love necessary to evolve. There is a possibility that you, or those close to you have subconsciously adopted a stereotype of certain labels, and working through the stigma can also sometimes be a part of learning how to utilize your mental health toolbox. Imagine yourself without the label and any of the characteristics that may have come of it. Would you be as strong of a person? Would your emotional intuition be as fine-tuned? Would your resilience be as elastic? Though you may feel that your label contributed to unpleasant experiences and traits, the silver lining is that you had several opportunities to develop important survival skills in the process. Now that you’ve arrived at the phase of your life to want to evolve from your mental problems, your subsequent emotional intelligence continues to stick around to catapult you through life’s never-ending challenges. Love yourself and embrace your label, because as troublesome as it’s been in the past, it has made you beautifully strong enough to take on this evolution.

Maintaining physical well-being

The body can act as a remote control for the mind with buttons for relaxation, mood boost, patience, energy and the list goes on, as both are directly linked. To maintain the well-being of your body is to ensure a balanced foundation for the mind to solve life’s challenges. Efforts into continuous well-being automatically propel the mind’s evolution, clarity and awareness, so it’s well worth the daily undertaking.

Sleep

A set bedtime with plenty of hours to sleep can begin the habitual process of physical well-being. Everyone’s needs for adequate rest vary, but 6-8 hours should be the daily minimum to ensure physical and mental health fitness. A good night’s rest goes beyond feeling refreshed in the morning, with benefits building up in your heart, weight and of course your mind. During those hours of shut-eye your brain is also working to remove mental waste, like the toxic byproducts that contribute to degenerative brain disorders. It’s also working hard to cement memories and new skills you may have learned (like learning to battle anxiety!) Refreshing rest also contributes to better emotional regulation, an essential within the Mental Health Toolbox.

Cognition, attention and decision-making is enhanced with the right amount of zzz’s, making life that much less challenging just by closing your eyes every night. Loving yourself means loving your body, and that can be as easy as cuddling up under your covers and drifting to dreamland. There is empowerment in pillows when it comes to evolution!

Healthy Nutrition

Once you’ve absorbed a solid amount of rest and the sun has begun tickling your skin with its first rays of Vitamin D, nourishment should be the next priority to feed the body, as it’s likely been more than 8 hours since your last meal! Regenerating with the right nutrition is just as important as rest, and making time for eating right impacts your energy and mood for the day. Taking a little bit of time each day to understand your body and adopting healthy eating habits adds another strengthening layer of physical well-being. A good rule of thumb is to remember that the Earth herself provides many of the nutrients you need to feel optimal, so it’s easier to differentiate from the processed, sugary, greasy weaknesses that slow your body’s flow.

Exercise and physical activity

Another essential tool in the Mental Health Toolbox is exercise. The daily challenges of stress can be immediately combated with weapons of feel-good hormones. These are generated with the physical demands of exercise, and it doesn’t take an expensive personal trainer to get the job done. If your life is too busy and working out is an intimidating schedule shift, take a step back and identify areas in your daily tasks that can easily convert into a mini cheat exercise. Something as simple as opting for the stairs at your office building, or a nice 15-minute stroll during lunch can make the difference in your brain boosting chemicals. Even squeezing in 10 squats in the bathroom stall every time you make a run to the loo can get the blood going. A 30, 15 or even 10-minute commitment to muscle movement beats hours-long mental drains that affect your mood, productivity and sense of well-being.

Life Balance

Understand that your mind and body are one, and the two constantly communicate to ensure optimal existence. The key is to learn the language of your physical self to establish ongoing well-being. Become aware and listen internally. One of the most effective tools in your toolbox is developing a healthy sense of balance in all areas of your life. The Wheel of Life is a great place to start!!

Healthy lifestyle choices

When making the conscious decision to prioritize mental health, what is your motivation? Taking a holistic approach to a mental evolution? Reducing your depression or anxiety? Feeling like life is worth living? Better relationships with your loved ones? Maintaining employment? The get-up-and-go reasoning varies, but it’s important to keep a list of your reasons in constant visibility to serve as a reminder in making healthy lifestyle choices daily. Your lifestyle choices are those that you make determining your life and behavior, with a direct association to your preferences and values. Your motivation to prioritize your mental health is a strong indicator of your values.

To make the right choices, you must take a step back and determine first the areas in which you recognize your self-love practices. Are you sleeping enough and eating well? Is your monthly gym membership going to good use and are the dog leashes constantly missing from their wall hooks? Then think to yourself, in which areas can your lifestyle decisions improve to better align with your values and motivation for improving your mental health? Here’s a quick quiz to get you thinking and reflecting on your lifestyle choices.

Once you see your results, an easy start to making better lifestyle choices is to make a list of the obvious not-so-great choices. Things like drinking excessively, eating fast food multiple times a day or going through a pack of cigarettes in 48 hours. You’ll find that integrating better habits like exercise and good rest make the removal of the bad list much easier, all while boosting your mood, health and progress toward a better lifestyle! Even more eye opening, as your bad list habits fade, so do your chances of chronic diseases like obesity, heart disease, cancer and many other conditions. That life balance that you’ve begun to work on will be an incredibly important tool within your Mental Health Toolbox.

A good way to structure your mental health maintenance is by relying on daily routines to keep these lifestyle choices in check. Aside from reinforcing good habits, they give you a sense of control that gradually makes these choices automatic. Just as your bad habits once required no effort, your new, healthy habits will become second nature! This further ensures longer bouts of mental stability refined and ready to tackle obstacles that perhaps once debilitated you.

Remember that learning to utilize the tools within your Mental Health Toolbox is a gradual process and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed but just don’t quit! Starting small is okay! Thankfully, good habits get stronger with each repetition, while the bad ones shrivel away with each neglected urge. Here are a few tricks to overcoming the challenges that sometimes come with learning new skills and retraining your brain.

Yoga

Science and personal experience can reinforce your faith in exercise, but one particular activity has begun to make a name for itself in the realm of mental health. Yoga, an ancient Indian practice integrating breathing techniques and postures has been associated with improved health and happiness. The practice promotes health throughout the body while reinforcing self-awareness, two of the most important tools in your Mental Health Toolbox for self-care.

Yoga is to the mind what cardio is to the body. From a mental health standpoint, yoga trains the brain circuits involved in stress response. Most people respond to stress with adrenaline and/or cortisol in the blood, which in turn create the rapid heartbeat, breath and other nervous system symptoms that we feel during stress. In a person who practices yoga regularly, the relaxation signal in the brain can be turned on by engaging in a pose to slow or even stop the stress response. This tool can then be used to counter stress on demand when combined with awareness, which is bolstered with the regular breathing and meditation techniques learned in yoga.

Regular yoga practice is a self-soothing ritual that promotes an ongoing relaxation and slowed thought process that inhibits anxiety and other negative feelings. Connecting the breath to the body via yoga also enhances the internal listening process with the body, so your mind is more in tune with your physical needs to stimulate consistent well-being. In addition, regular mindfulness practice is also a healthy way to release built-up emotional energy that tends to calcify and clog our efforts to mental health maintenance. By integrating yoga into your mental health routine, you ensure a regular cleansing that complements your self-care routine utilizing and important tool within your Mental Health Toolbox. Try some of these easy poses to get the blood flowing!!

Brain cardio, grounding techniques and meditation

The beautiful unraveling of life happens in this very moment. Unfortunately, it’s easy for many of us to get entangled in past stress or worries of what lies ahead. The reality of present life moments is robbed by the thief of thoughts, holding our minds prisoners to invisible imaginations. Try to picture life as a tightrope with no net. It’s obvious that one would have to journey through with a carefully balanced, inch-by-inch forward progression to survive, right? Now think, how often are your eyes off the tightrope? How often are your letting the present moment slip away? Is your reality surviving?

To stay on the tightrope mindfulness is the star tool within your Mental Health Toolbox. It is a strategy that peels your identity from your thoughts, as your thoughts can sometimes be an unreliable source in the sphere of mental illness. With mindfulness, rather than be your thoughts, you are above them as their creator and observer. Your higher self goes beyond the mental noise that can sometimes overwhelm your body and soul. An easy way to remind yourself to slow the thoughts is to take a deep, long breath, then follow the next five to ten breaths thereafter. If you do this constantly, you may start noticing how often you actually hold your breath unconsciously when intense anxiety or PTSD thoughts start clouding the mind. Observing the breath helps brings you back to the present moment. Mindfulness and a healthy state of mind go hand in hand.

There are various techniques that promote and preserve this present-moment awareness. They are the basis of yoga and several other Eastern religions and spiritual practices. Grounding is a technique that helps to bring you out of the sea of thoughts and into the present moment reality. These are especially helpful in moments of stressful emotions and feelings. There are several skills you can try and regardless of your diagnostic label, each one has a different level of effectiveness so it’s important to try several before finding your present-moment solution. The great thing about grounding techniques is that they’re so easy they’re almost effortless, yet they work wonderfully by acting as a net to fish you out of the turbulence of thoughts that sweep you from the present.

Meditation, a regular practice of yoga, can be also be practiced independently as part of your mental health routine. It is the practice of focusing your attention on a single point of reference, oftentimes the breath. Some like to focus on a mantra or intention. Ultimately, it is a way to pull your mind out of the stream of thought and observe rather than follow for a set amount of time. This sort of focused mental training helps rewire the brain patterns of entangled thoughts that pull you from the present moment. By training yourself to observe, the mind begins to silence itself from these thoughts and you become present. Once the session is over, your ability to remain focused on the present in real-life becomes easier, and you begin to experience life on the paradigm of the now, as life should be lived. Meditation is a helpful tool for mental health because it not only reduces stress by hushing the mental noise, but such effectiveness has shown it to work against the progression of illnesses like depression and anxiety. Regular meditation practice can actually change your brain’s stress response to promote you’re the effectiveness of your Mental Health Toolbox.

So....what's next?

Now that you’ve been educated and empowered with your very own set of tools, you can take charge in your mental health journey by applying your own personal strategy to evolving into the best version of you. Remember, we're all under construction and need to constantly add new tools to our arsenal. I’d love to hear from you on how you’ve adapted this basic concept and made it your own! Subscribe and like my blog to stay up-to-date on future additions to the Mental Health Toolbox.

~wh

Take back your time!

I don't know about you but I NEVER seem to have enough time. Time to do the things I need to do let alone time to do the things I want to do. Time to clean. Time to rest. Time to work. Time to love. Time to self-care. Did somebody say self-care? Learning to take back your time is self-care! So lets celebrate Take Back Your Time Awareness Week happening now!!

What steals your time away?

take back your time

I've been thinking a lot about that and here's what I've come up with:

To-do Lists

Problem: I'm a believer in lists but huge overwhelming to-do lists are a giant time sucker. I get so lost in the lines of smudged lead, vanishing ink and scraps of paper that I lose track of what I actually need to get done.

Solution: Just have one ongoing things to-do list in a notebook or in an app it doesn't matter but choose only three tasks a day that you're willing to commit to actually getting completed. If you complete those three, then by all means challenge yourself to do more but the feeling of accomplishment will feel great by crossing those three completed tasks off your daily calendar. Take back your time and check this out for some more time-saving ideas!

Anxiety

Problem: We get so lost in the alphabet list of things to get done and no time to do them in frame of mind that the anxiety kicks in!

Solution: I think I talk about this everyday but being mindful and in this present moment is a huge help when feeling overwhelmed and lost in the proverbial shuffle of life. Anxiety is another giant time sucker! Take a second to ground yourself. Next, take a mental note of what you have control over and focus on that specifically. Finally, take back your time and create a plan of action and prioritize needs and wants. Add them to your primary to-do list described above.

Got structure?

Problem:  Lack of structure is a huge time sucker. Time is a commodity that once spent it's gone forever. Many times I look up and see I've utilized and spent hours doing--well I don't really know.

Solution: Many of my friends laugh at me but I put EVERYTHING on my electronic calendar. I like to utilize Google but there's lots out there. If it's on my calendar then it's real and it exists and almost always gets done. Structure is necessary for there to be productivity. This is a good place to schedule your self-care too!! Take back your time and organize your day.

Self-talk

Problem: Looking at life through smudged lenses makes everything morph into unrecognizable shapes that we just can't see for what they truly are. In other words, be realistic!! You're not perfect! I know that's a newsflash but none of us are--so stop trying.

Solution: Stop expecting perfection. It's so simple. My mom in her younger days used to have these fantasies about all of the millions of things she could get done in a single day of 24 hours. She's bipolar and in her mania, would try and conquer the world. Of course she came close lots of times but it came with a great cost (that's another blog) but most of the time she was unsuccessful. She passed that mindset on to me and it's not only been a time sucker but also a huge manifestation of my own anxiety. Know your self-talk and combat it with reasonable expectations. Take back your time and be kind to yourself in the process.

Well that's it!! I encourage you to really begin to analyze what takes your time and how you can get that control back. Empower yourself with self-exploration. Educate yourself with information. Evolve into the best version of you. I’m always available for a 30-minute complimentary consultation to throw some of these ideas around!

Check back later for more information on time and self-care!!

wh

Clear the Clutter, Clear the Mind

clutter

“Out with the Old and In with the New”

is commonly associated with ringing in the New Year.  It's sentiments can be strongly felt shortly after the holiday season, when stress, anxiety and depression can be higher than usual.  Before these feelings explode, work through them by starting with your surroundings; Clear the Clutter, Clear the Mind. Spring cleaning is not quite the same as clearing the clutter, but would serve the same purpose.  However, don’t put off 'til tomorrow, what you can do today to change your physical surroundings right now.  While also airing out the cobwebs of any mental clutter lingering in the back of your mind.

Turn on your favorite song, and turn it up!

We’ve had the holiday parties and sung carols.  We may have even been forced to listen to repeat holiday tunes.  Break out of that funk!  Sing, dance and start to get the vibe.  Then you can release tension thru keeping your beat! Physical activity and music stimulate the brain. By putting a new perspective on your living room, or even office space, you may find it easier to muddle through an uneasy task.  Your outlook may change towards a task you weren't looking forward to doing, or even make that coffee meeting with a new contract client you’ve been aspiring to get a more positive moment.

We have more than physical clutter, but what to do when you have sentimental items versus functional items?

Taking down the tree immediately after the New Year, or sooner will allow the space to be reoccupied or redecorated.  Show off a new item or clean up an existing furniture piece to put in it's place.  The result will freshen your perspective, your day, and uplift your spirits. What about any broken or non-working knick-knacks that don’t match with the rest of your space?  They’re hard to throw out when having a memory or promise to take good care of that item attached to it. Take a picture and make a collage or upload them to a digital frame. You keep the memories but reduce the clutter! You may need to reason, did your great aunts’ sister-in-laws friend hand craft the scarf collecting dust under that stack of books and CDs; if so what is more important, cleaning the dust or the integrity of the scarf?  Let’s state the fact that maybe the stack of books hasn’t been read, and now there is enough dust to plant a tree. Books and music are online and digital now.  This doesn’t dun the importance of the book.  Donating to your local library can save space and others can also benefit from your generosity.  Leaving the scarf to find a new home under your favorite crystal bowl, or tucked into the memory trunk to save for the next generation will clear the dust and spruce up the space.

That’s just one small step to mental health success.

Maybe, while focusing on the scarf, your mind received a boost of endorphin, lifting your emotions to a more positive state sparking inspiration and creativity in other areas of your life, or even just in that room.  Imagine how it will feel to enjoy that room after clearing out what was not functional, and finding a new home in your space for the sentimental?  My favorite sentimental items are photos, and even those can overtake a space.  I’ve begun scanning into digital images, and returning originals of distant family members to their next of kin; what a joy it brings to them, as a result, I find joy in it as well. Doing this may provide positive stimulation in your mind, thus allowing you to have a renewed perspective in problem-solving or life difficulties.  When you start to feel in control of the clutter surrounding yourself, you can jump on the wagon and take control in other areas of your mental health that you might have dead-ended on before.

Don’t stop with the living room!  Make your office or cubicle space into a more inviting area and promote your productivity.

Depending on the situation, this may not be the best place to jam your tunes.  Try wireless earbuds if you have them; or play your favorite song in your mind.  You can be your own personal concert.  Focusing to remember the words, or tapping your heart to the beat.  There’s a concert in you that no one can lower the volume to! Start with post-its; they cover up other clutter that may be hiding on the back corner of your desk.  Organizing your work duties with a calendar or spiral notebook is great.  However, go digital when you can.  You'll have one less thing to clutter your corner of the office floor.  Oh, and of course, empty out that inbox!

There are many things to look forward to in the new year,

Little things like a different spin on an old space can help you take a deep breath and tackle whatever issues you may be facing in life by changing the space where you spend most of your time. Kudos for a job well done.  I’m always available for a 30-minute complimentary consultation to talk about how to move forward so here’s to the New Year, and New Approach with Holistic Mental Health.  Let us together EDUCATE each other, EMPOWER one another, and EVOLVE together!

wh